Tuesday, March 18, 2014

The End (And This Time I Mean It)

Those of you who have read my blog, West Coast Sugar Daddy Journal, since I began it in October 2012, have traveled with me over my nearly six-year journey as a Sugar Daddy.  I have, in that time, had encounters with a total of 36 different women.  Of these, just a dozen were women with whom I'd been with more than one time.  The rest were one-off encounters.  Some would maintain I treated these girls like hookers.  But they'd be wrong.  Except for those I saw during the time that I was actually with C (not those times when we were "broken up"), I fully intended to be with each of them for at least a few months.  The last 18 months, since my final breakup with C, have been very difficult indeed.  I had been spoiled with a great girl, though a deeply flawed one, for three years, and there were only two since that time -- Leah and Lola -- who seemed to have the qualities in a mistress that C had.

And now, with a renewed commitment to working things through with DW, my heart simply hasn't been in it to continue searching for quality girls.  On top of that, the financial toll it has taken on me and my family to continue doing this has been at times very large.  It no longer makes emotional or financial sense for me to continue in the Sugar Bowl.

I cherish each and every experience that I've had.  I don't regret a single thing I've done.  There's really no room for it, anyway.  Time to move on, focus my attention on work and family, and take all of the lessons I've learned and apply them to my future life.

Will I stop having extramarital sex?  At least for now, yes.  But, like my friend, David Montrose over at Sugar Daddy Diary, or my secret fantasy lover, Exa Palmateeri at The Sugar Daddy Diaries, I am done with the Sugar Lifestyle. 

The seductiveness of going back to Seeking Arrangement to find another mistress to play with just seems unpalatable to me now.  I'd go back to the site to pull down my profile, but better just to stay away.

As I have blogged about nearly every meaningful encounter, good and bad, that I have had in the past six years, there's very little else for me to cover.  The rebuilding of my marriage will be for me to keep private, though I might at some point in the future write about it in some other forum. 

To those of you around the world who have read my blog, shared their stories and comments with me, asked me for advice, or thanked me for being honest about my writing, I am very grateful for your input over the past 18 months.  This blog has been a fantastic outlet for my creativity, and helped me process the end of my relationship with C, which, in retrospect, was an unwise expense for my heart (though, of course, with no regrets for what I have learned from it). 

The end feels extremely sad for me, I must admit.  In fact, I struggled with clicking on the "Publish" button for the last five minutes before posting this piece.  But, overall, I am so pleased with the experiences I've had, both as a Sugar Daddy (great sex, yo!) and a writer.

First, a special goodbye to all my ladies:

T (Anita)
L (Lina)
K (Katie)
C.A. (CC)
K (Nikki)
K (Susan)
A (Space Cadet)
Ch (Cha-cha)
D (Paulina)
J (Zen)
K (Kyra the porn star)
S (Dale)
J (Kim)
P (Jayde)
E (The Dancer)
T (Joni)
K (Wanda)
J (Song)
L (Lola)
D (Jade)
J (Sam)
K (K-bear)
L (Audrey)
L (Elle)
T (Leah)
D (Star)
J (Belle)
A (Chica)
N (Naira)

And especially to CNH (Hayden), the woman who changed my life forever.  Thank you again, for all the fun, for your beauty, for your kindness, for your honesty, and for your affection.  I'll never forget you, ever!

And to all of you,


Porter Edwards 

Audrey Becomes More Real

I posted last week that Belle canceled our second date because she'd gotten her period.  As I had already withdrawn the money for our date, and packed it inside a sweet card, I didn't see the point in re-depositing it.  Earlier in the week I had told Audrey that I'd like to see her again, but didn't know if I'd be available on the Friday she wanted to meet.  But, as luck had it, I suddenly found myself available.

I texted Audrey right away, and she replied that she had the afternoon completely open.  I found a hotel close by (next door to the hotel where Sam and I had hooked up) and booked a room.

Due to traffic, we both arrived late.  I checked in and realized that there'd be no time to get clean before she arrived, so I figured I'd clean up with her there.  When Audrey showed up, she smelled sweaty and felt a little damp.  I guess she'd had the heat on in her car!  Since I wanted to be clean, I suggested that she join me in the shower, and she consented.

As she took off her clothes I noticed that she'd put on a few pounds.  Well, I had also gained weight, but five pounds on me shows up a lot more subtly than it does on someone as petite as Audrey.  And all of it went to her butt.  All of a sudden, two months later, Audrey looked a little less ideal and a lot more like a normal girl.  A normal girl with an unbelievable sexual appetite.

We stepped into the shower and I grabbed the soap to get her all soaped up.  She did the same to me, using a good deal of it to stroke my already-hard cock.  I reached between her legs while we kissed, and found her pretty wet (duh, we were in the shower, but that's water, not "juices").  She knelt down and started blowing me, which I thoroughly enjoyed, particularly when she sucked on my balls.

We dried off and pulled the cover off the bed.  She continued her blow job, which was OK, not fantastic.  Good effort, less teeth than last time.  I felt her pussy with my fingers, and she had gotten even wetter than before.  I rubbed her clit, which elicited moans from her while my cock was in her mouth.  Very hot.

Soon, however, I flipped her on her back and pushed her legs wide apart to go down on her.  She loves receiving oral, so I went to town with enthusiasm!  "Finger me," she begged.  I stuck my index and middle fingers inside her and rubbed her g-spot.  Her hips twitched over and over, and she came all over my face.

I kept her in that position and started to enter her without a condom, but she got up from the bed to get something from her purse.  I figured we'd be using condoms, but she came back with just a bottle of lube.  I forgot the name of it, but it was so much better than the Astroglide I have always used.  I'm going to have to get this stuff the next time I need it at home (in 2017, probably!).  She said she'd gotten in at a sex shop.  She just used a little on me and a little on her, and I slid in so easily, and it didn't feel too slick.  Just enough friction to make it feel perfect for me.  Too perfect, in fact, as I was ready to climax in about a minute.  She got on top of me and rocked back and forth which was even more unbearably delicious.  I grabbed her by the waist to slow her down.  After a few minutes, however, I couldn't take it any longer.  I came full force  inside her.  Once she got off me, she went to the bathroom to clean up.  (In case anyone is wondering, she's on the pill.)  We fucked one more time about an hour later, but that lasted maybe ten minutes.  Although she came this time, I felt pretty useless not being able to last any longer.

We spent a couple of decent hours together before I had to head home.  Audrey's body and personality, the second time, did not elicit the kind of response I'd had last time.  I felt like she and I had connected very well after the first time, but even though she'll have her own apartment next month, I don't think I want to see her anymore.  More to be revealed about that in my next post...

Friday, March 14, 2014

Belle and Aunt Flo Send Me to See Audrey

Belle texted me two hours before our date today that her Aunt Flo arrived unexpectedly and that she was out of commission.  Immediately I texted Audrey to see if she were free, and to my great pleasure, we have a date in three hours.  I can't fucking wait to see her again.  Some of the best sex I've had in a long time, without the nagging unnecessary connection I had with Leah.

Belle's body set her back several hundred bucks and two more weeks.

Friday, March 7, 2014

Goodbye, Leah

Leah sent me a text last night, perceptive girl that she is, asking me if I was upset with her "or something."  I seized this text as my opportunity.  Not wanting to use text messaging to break up with her, I sent her an email.
Hey, Sunshine --

So sorry I wasn't responding to your texts.  I was on the phone this afternoon, then in the car, then having dinner with the family, then putting the kids to bed, and now have a few moments.

It's been a roller-coaster of a week, mostly good, some setbacks at work, but mostly I've had a lot on my mind.  You are actually very perceptive, but it's not you I'm mad at.  It's me.
I know this is going to come as a surprise because we've been having so much fun, but I must end our arrangement. Please know that you haven't done anything wrong; if anything, you've done the opposite.  What we began building together is exactly the kind of arrangement I have been looking for, on many levels.  But when I started my life in the "sugar bowl," I made a commitment to myself that, in order to protect myself, my family and my career, I would never get involved with anyone I knew, either directly or through someone else.  Unfortunately, I have not honored that commitment in deciding to get involved with you.  You are your mother's daughter; that's never going to change.  While I don't regret anything that I've done or that we've done together, I now see my initial decision to begin this arrangement as an error in judgment.  I believe that, in assessing my own feelings about you and about our involvement, I could upset multiple lives if I allow myself to remain in a relationship like this any longer. 
I was drawn into the idea of doing something so taboo, but it's exactly that riskiness that I've worked so hard to avoid all these years.  I simply can't continue.

I've known for about a week or so that I needed to tell you this, and I've struggled with how best to do it.  In reading this email, you now know how I ultimately decided to do it.
We did agree at the outset that we would take this slowly and a step/date at a time and gauge our feelings about getting involved.  While it may have appeared that I was at ease with all or some of it, in truth I struggled from the beginning.  In hindsight, if I had it to do again, I would not make the same decision.
I know this might upset you or hurt your feelings.  I am so sorry if I have caused you any pain; it is not my intention.  You have been nothing but totally sweet, caring, fun, and a source of light in my otherwise dull life.  I do hope that at some point you can understand that this is the right decision for me. 
Of course, I wish you nothing but happiness and success in your future.  You're such a special woman; I am so glad we got to know each other a little bit.
Take care, Sunshine!  Be brilliant and be happy!
This morning came a text: "I totally understand.  This will be our secret brief encounter.  Wish you all the best."

Can't help but feel sad, the way I feel sad whenever I cut off someone I care about.  It happened a little with CC, a little with Wanda, a little with Dale, a little more with Lola, and of course you all know how I dealt with the breakup with C.   Leah is a really great girl: beautiful, sexy, intelligent, and kind.  But I have to honor my commitment to myself about being more discreet.  Of course, living a mile away from Belle is within my five mile buffer zone, but if I have to compromise somewhere, I'd rather take my chances there.  I'm pretty good at being sneaky, and when I go into a woman's apartment I always look like I'm there to do business.  Getting caught with a friend's daughter is a recipe for disaster, and many, many lives would be at stake.  So the chapter now ends.

Thursday, March 6, 2014

Belle or Audrey?

Audrey and I have kept in contact with each other over the past couple of months since we slept together.  There's good reason for this, of course: I consider my experience with Audrey to be at or near the top of the sexual experiences I've had in the past 18 months, since things ended with C.

Not to discount the amazing experiences I've also had with Leah in the past month or so.  Our first time together staggered me.  Leah has all the qualities I want in a Sugar Baby, but she has one that, in hindsight, disqualified her from the start.  I don't regret the decision to sleep with her, but I definitely made a mistake in starting an arrangement with her.  Lesson definitely learned.

Audrey's negatives -- her loud voice, her average looks, our families' connection to the same house of worship -- combine to make me cautious.  Then again, I always try to be cautious, even though I have at times demonstrated a spectacular myopia when it comes to being careful.  These negatives, however, fall short of Leah's singular negative attribute (her being the daughter of my high school friend).  Also Audrey currently has roommates, which is a huge negative for me.

On the positive side, Audrey is an animated, passionate, giving, game, and skilled lover.  She displays patience and self-assuredness, especially during the conversations we've had since our hook-up.  I wouldn't call her an intellectual equal, but she can hold up her end of a conversation.  I imagine she's much more well-read than I perhaps imagine her to be.  On her living situation, Audrey said she'll be moving into her own apartment by late April.  I find this very encouraging.

Now, Belle has amazing qualities as well.  Her sexuality rivals Audrey's, rivals C's, rivals CC's.  She is extremely talented.  I find her physically very attractive, though not as attractive as C or Leah.  She's playful, thoughtful, street-smart, and resourceful.  I am attracted to her neatness as well (in hindsight, C's messy apartment would have been a turn off to some degree had I not already loved her).  She has negatives too: she lives too close to my house, she has pets (although she keeps her dog in day care while she's away for the day and while she hosts me), and she can be a little detached and not as attentive as some of the other girls I've "dated."  In other words, I like a lot of communication in between dates, and we had threadbare conversations leading up to our first date, so I was a little wary of whether or not we'd hit it off in bed or afterward.  So far so good, though.

All this mental masturbation leaves me in an indecisive place: Audrey, or Belle?  I like them both, but can't afford to play with both of them.  This conundrum will occupy my thoughts for the time being.  To you, dear readers, I offer my humble dilemma in the hopes that you'll provide some perspective that I don't have right now.

Next week, I'm supposed to see Belle again, and I'm looking forward to it.  If this problem doesn't get solved until later, that's OK too.  I can keep talking to Audrey until she moves into a new place and then hook up with her again once she's settled in.

Tuesday, March 4, 2014

Balled by Belle, Part 2

The kissing didn't proceed straight to her bedroom.  She poured herself a glass of wine.  "Sorry, babe," I said, "but I can't join you there.  Can't go home with wine on my breath!"  She barely sipped from it during our chat, and the glass didn't follow her upstairs when we eventually headed up there.

I sat on her brown couch, admiring her fastidiously neat apartment (such a welcome change from both C and Leah, who were both not very adept at keeping house).  She sat next to me and lay her legs across my lap, her foot right on top of my crotch.  Ah, I thought, well-played.

Belle is auditing classes right now because her financial aid came too late for her to enroll in any classes at the beginning of the term.  She's hoping her professors take pity on her and let her in.  I was thrilled to hear stories about life on her campus.  One thing she was quick to point out that she, even at her age, is getting hit on by younger students.  Her face definitely looks young, so that doesn't surprise me.

After about ten minutes of chat, she leaned over and gave me another kiss (or should I say many kisses).  We decided that it was time to play, and she led me up the stairs to her bedroom.  Again, super neat.  She had two cats, who upon seeing a strange man approaching, darted under the bed and stayed away the whole time.  We spread out on the bed and started making out, eventually getting all our clothes off.  Belle has pierced nipples and she says they're very sensitive, so I just had to play with them a little, despite her warnings that she really doesn't like them played with that much.  Once I licked one of them, however, I think she decided that maybe she does like it if I play with them.

I noticed a number of tats on her body.  No huge tats like Elle, however, thank goodness!  Funny mentioning Elle, though: I'd have to say that Belle's body resembles Elle's in almost every way, except that Belle is in much better physical condition.  She clearly exercises regularly, whereas Elle was flabby nearly everywhere.

Now, as much as I wanted not to hear any comments about the size of my cock, Belle couldn't resist saying a few things, all complementary, about it.  I took them all in stride and downplayed the whole issue.  "Please save your applause until after the performance," I said, which cracked her up. 

I got to go down on her first, which I always prefer.  She enthusiastically received my attention, but I'm pretty sure she didn't climax.  She gladly returned the favor.  I got a fantastic blow job, right up there with all the great blow jobs I've gotten in the past six years.  I got on top of her and poked my head inside her for just a bit, which got me a push back and a head shake from Belle.  I reached for the condoms and she got the lube.  We got ourselves ready and I started on top, but we got to do all positions.  During doggy she told me to spank her, hard.  Who am I to refuse such a command?  Her ass got red, but she loved it!

Belle really likes being on top, and she got to grind on me very aggressively, which I really liked.   I hadn't used a condom in quite some time, so it felt a little different, with my sensitivity diminished quite a bit.  I like that I could last longer, but to be honest, we were fucking pretty hard and I got tired.  I slowed things down with her on top.  Oh, my God, I got so deep I could feel the back of her vagina.  This actually turned her on, which surprised me, as other girls always complained of pressure, likening it to having my balls squeezed really hard.  Oh well, I thought, go with the flow!

Once I felt ready I flipped her over and got on top of her again.  She came for the second time while I had her legs over my shoulders, pounding away.  I finally felt my climax coming.  She was so wet, however, that I didn't feel myself pop out of her until I was coming, thrusting between her thighs.  Still felt awesome!  She told me later that she came again right at that time, and she clenched and pushed me out, but I'm not so sure of that.  We were pounding pretty hard.

Exhausted and sweating, I got off her bed, rolled off the condom and deposited it into her bathroom trash can.  We held each other for a while, chatting.  She got between my legs and lay her breasts down on my sleeping dick.  She ran her fingernails all up and down my chest, my arms, and the inner parts of my thighs.  "I'm a toucher, I'm sorry," she said, "I have to touch you everywhere."  "I love it," I replied, "keep going!"

The second time we had sex, she sucked me till I got ridiculously hard and she climbed on top of me.  "I know my body," I said, "I'm pretty sure I won't come again, but have at it."  "I won't come either," she said, "but I want you!"  She didn't even bother with a condom this time, just slipped me inside her.  We stayed in this position the whole time.  Wouldn't you know it, after about 10 minutes, I felt like I was going to come again, and I told her.  She took me out and started sucking me, but for some reason I felt my climax recede.  "Too early, I guess," I said.  I grabbed my cock and stroked away, while she put her mouth on the head and licked me all around.  Fucking hot!  I came a minute later and she took it in her mouth, swallowing it.  Great girl!

We showered together to clean off, kissing and holding each other the whole time.  After I got dressed, we went back downstairs and said our goodbyes. I will definitely be seeing her again, hopefully many more times.

One thing came up as I left.  Because Belle lives less than a mile away, it took me less than five minutes to get back home, and this gave me pause as I drove.  With nearly every other girl, I've had to travel 30-45 minutes to get back home, and sometimes I've even had to stop off somewhere to pick up a kid from some extracurricular activity.  That time, I realized, is pretty valuable for me to settle down and re-orient myself to being back in the family environment.  It felt jarring to get in the house, see DW, and have my "Hi, honey, I'm home!" moment, complete with a hug and kiss.  I wondered if Belle's smell was on me still, despite the shower I took (with unscented Ivory soap, thank God!).  I puttered around the house for a few minutes once walking in the door, heading to the bathroom to pee, doing  a stray hair check on my clothes and in my own hair, and then spending a couple of minutes checking my phone for emails or texts or Facebook messages, then going over to one of my kids and saying hello, all before I went over to DW.  She didn't say anything before, during, or after this display, so maybe this was just my head trying to fuck with me.  Still, I think I'm going to have to figure a way to do an errand or something after seeing Belle (like getting gas, stopping for a grocery or two), just so I can clear my head for a minute before walking in the door.

Monday, March 3, 2014

Balled by Belle, Part 1

My day started upside down.  I was supposed to go straight to the bank from home to pick up my cash for today, then to the drugstore to pick up condoms and a card, but I got on auto-pilot and started heading to the office instead.  The weather made traffic unbearably heavy, so it was too late to turn back around.  I decided I'd take care of things on my way to Belle's place.

I put in about four hours at the office before I had to take off.  I figured traffic would be a nightmare, so I gave myself 30 minutes to take care of the errands, and another 60 minutes to travel back to my neighborhood, which was where Belle also lived.

Turns out the drive to the bank took only five minutes, plus another five minutes to take care of the cash withdrawal.  As I turned the corner to head to the freeway (another five minutes), I saw a 7-11 on my right.  I pulled in, knowing I'd be able to get condoms there.  This particular store was a larger than usual place that was more like a little neighborhood grocery than a convenience store.  Both registers had lines, so, with condoms in hand, I waited for my turn.  Ahead of me was a very smelly old Asian lady, likely homeless, carrying a burrito in her hand.  She got to the register, but had no money to pay for it.  Some nice woman paid the $3.00 for the burrito about two minutes later, and I was out the door once I handed over my money. 

Traffic to my neighborhood turned out much lighter than expected (mid-day, in the rain, on a Friday?) and I arrived in my neighborhood about 30 minutes early.  While waiting at a red light, I dashed off a quick text to Belle: "Hey, traffic was light, and I'm only five minutes away."  No immediate response.

Here is where things got dicey for me.  My route to Belle's apartment took me through an intersection that I knew DW would cross right around this time, as she headed over to the school to pick up one of our kids.  How would it be if she just happened to notice her husband's car crossing the intersection in front of her at a time when I would have been hard at work?  Luckily that didn't materialize, but I kept it in my head for the next time.  There was no really clean way to get around this intersection, so I'd just have to time it right.  Part of the real danger in hooking up with someone who lived close to home.

I got to Belle's street and made a left turn to head to her building.  Oh no, I thought, Belle lives right down the street from another school in our neighborhood (hadn't thought of that), and that school was just letting out.  A whole crowd of parents waited in front of the school for their kids.  Off the top of my head, I could think of probably half a dozen parents I knew who had kids at this school.  As I drove past the school, I acted nonchalantly, but looked around for familiar faces.  Not finding any, I sighed with relief and proceeded the two more blocks to Belle's building.  I was 25 minutes early.  I parked and debated whether to send Belle another text.  A minute or so later came one from Belle: "Sorry!! You're going to have to hang tight!!!  Give me a bit."  So I waited....

At the appointed time, or a minute or two later, she sent me a text telling me how to get to her specific apartment.  After I knocked, I heard her say, "It's open!"  I opened the door and stepped inside, and she greeted me wearing a dark knit sweater over black leggings.  Once I'd put down my stuff, she grabbed me and gave me a hungry kiss, much more passionate than the one we shared at lunch a couple of weeks before.

... to be continued...