Tuesday, January 6, 2015

This Year I Take the Big Plunge and Push for Openness

For weeks I've thought about how I would approach DW with the move toward an open marriage.  Now that Audrey and I want to hook up with more couples, we're finding it difficult to maintain a daytime schedule with anyone since most of these other people have jobs during the day.  Either that, or they find that late night meetings are hotter.  Those couples are, of course, not for us because we're never going to meet anyone past seven or eight in the evening.

But this reality leaves me with the annoying need to concoct stories that keep me out of the house an evening every other week.  There are only so many "guy nights" and "work late" stories I can use before DW wonders what the fuck is going on.  Tomorrow night, Audrey and I are supposed to meet P&C, a Latin couple from our town who are in their 30s.  So far, I think I have a good pitch to be out till late, but I can't do this again for a long time.

So, what to do? 

For now, I think I should sit tight and work with the stories I've got until I can't anymore.  This buys me some time, which I feel is essential.  See, there's a very good chance that DW would, as I've written before, immediately divorce me when she realizes I've got my penis inside another woman.  Divorce not only would destroy my family, but it would also bankrupt me.  I have a relative who just finalized his divorce after nearly 25 years of marriage.  The kids, being grown, don't warrant child support anymore, but his ex-wife is going to get 50 percent of all the assets.  She's also getting 40 percent of his gross income, which actually comes out of his NET paycheck.  And that's going to continue until she remarries (highly unlikely), gets a job (could happen), or reaches eligibility for Social Security (more than five years away).  He's barely going to survive on that amount of income. In my case, not only would I have to pay child support, but also alimony, for many, many years.  I'd have to get roommates with my income at this level.  So, if she leaves me, I wouldn't be able to afford any kind of disposable income that allows me a robust social life.  I'd have to be making a lot more money, which appears to be six to 12 months away for me. 

When the time comes that my income can support the family, I can bring this to DW and have the strength to take whatever outcome happens.  One thing I will not do, however, is make this issue a proposal, or a request, or anything remotely resembling my asking her for permission.  I am simply going to say, "I'm fine if you don't want to have sex anymore, and I'm fine if we don't have sex anymore.  But I'm not fine if I don't have sex anymore. I'm too young and I love sex, so I won't give it up.  So, I'm just going to go have sex.  I'm going to find the girlfriend that you suggested I find all those years ago.  You will know who she is by seeing pictures and reading emails and text messages, and you'll know that I'm doing this. And if someday you change your mind and want to have sex, you can tell me, or you can find a lover of your own.  Either way, this is going to happen for me."  She'd tell me to move out or something like that, and I'd probably have it worked out ahead of time that I'd take a few days off so she could think about it.  Or, she might actually think for a minute and absorb the idea that she no longer has to put out for me, which has long been one of her major sources of stress.  Also, since penetrative sex is now painful for her, wouldn't she think it was great not to have to have sex ever again, and still have her husband come home and be a good provider?  (That's the part that has to be strong; if my income is good, then it doesn't look like I'm shirking my main responsibilities.)

All wishful thinking right now, but I am resolving here and now that 2015 will be the year I make enough money to be able to take this major step.