Thursday, April 23, 2015

A Tragic Mistake

Readers, you will notice that a previous post I'd put up in the past week, which featured a picture of Audrey, naked, has been pulled down.  Additionally, I'd shared the post on Google+, and that post is also pulled down.  Even though the picture did not show a significant portion of her face, it seems that someone who knew her recognized her and emailed me three days ago.  This person referred to Audrey by her real name and wanted to "talk about a few things" with me.  I immediately realized that, if this person had seen the pictures, so had Audrey, who was also connected to me on Google+.

Right after I'd gotten those emails, I noticed that Audrey was not responding to any of my texts.  Our last exchange had been about going together tonight to a swinger's club, about which she was very excited.

After two days of no responses to my texts, I realized what had happened, and I knew that our relationship was over.  I texted her a very brief goodbye, apologizing for what I had done, and let her know emphatically that she would never hear from me again.

I'm ashamed of what I'd done; I took a relationship that was supposed to be discreet and I splashed it on Google+, and Audrey's entire circle of friends there had seen the picture, perhaps following the link to this blog, and realized that Audrey was a Sugar Baby, something that she likely didn't want anyone else to know.

Audrey, if you're reading this, I'm so very sorry.  I never meant to hurt you or damage our relationship, which had been predicated on trust and discretion.  I'm going to miss you terribly.

Monday, April 20, 2015

A Reader's Perspective

A reader recently wrote me a very thoughtful note.  Here's most of it:
I know that you are speaking your truth, but I feel that I should mention that I don't like how you have treated some (not all) of the SBs you have met. I feel like some were treated like escorts. As an SB, it is really annoying having to explain the difference because most people don't realize that they are 2 different worlds. I feel that a lot of readers of the blog may come away thinking that both are the same. I'm not really sure if you really understand the difference either. Yes, I can see that you want a meaningful connection, but you had so much one time sex with "SB". The majority of the women were young and most likely new SBs. When you start off, you don't know exactly how an SD should treat you. I feel that there were times that you may had taken advantage of their inexperience and lack of knowledge. This is a subject that we'll just agree to disagree. I know that you may not understand my point of view; which is fine.
First, let me say that I have experience in both the escort and sugar worlds.  And yes, there absolutely were some SBs in my history whom I treated like escorts. This was because they were escorts! Selena and Julie, in particular.  They used tactics that I would call typical escort tactics (texting me the apt. number once I arrived at the address, asking for the money up front) or use standard escort language (calling the money the "donation").  Above all, however, it was their decision to allow me just to come straight to their place for sex.  Almost every single one of the girls I slept with wanted to meet me first in a neutral place, like a coffee shop, restaurant, or bar. If the girl was totally OK with my coming straight over to fuck them, they were escorts.  This is why I'd also lump Susan/Kay in as an escort as well.  She was a smart one, to be sure, but she also tried to "upsell" me into additional activities and dropped me the first time I had to postpone a date.  These were not actions taken by any other woman in seven years.

With that out of the way, I can also admit to treating some of these SBs somewhat like escorts. Other than the three women I discussed in the previous paragraph, there were 22 other women with whom I'd had only one-time hook-ups.  Of those, however, ten were hook-ups that I knew up front were not going to go past one time.  The other dozen were women I'd seriously considered as potential SBs. Case in point: Paulina.  I met Paulina during the four months from 12/2010 to 3/2011 when I was broken up with C.  I had decided to try a different approach with the next SB, which was to interview a bunch of them and then narrow it down to one girl.  And Paulina won that lottery (hehe).  Once I had sex with her, though, I had to admit that she and I just didn't connect on that level.  And that is why she was a one-off.

There were others:

  • Anita (my first time) -- I felt too guilty after fucking her.  It was one time because I was very new at the sugar game.
  • Space Cadet -- what was supposed to be a longer term arrangement ended when I got transferred across town and didn't want to travel for sex.
  • Cha-Cha -- We didn't have the sex talk up front.  Had I known she wasn't going to suck my dick, I never would have proceeded with her.
  • Zen -- Cute girl, but we weren't entirely compatible in bed, and it was clear she wasn't the girl for me once I'd fucked Kyra.
  • Kyra -- the porn star, I would absolutely have continued with her had I not met Dale, who blew me away (aside: Dale is now a mommy).
  • Joni -- Joni had all the makings of the girl to follow C.  I got the best BJ of my life from her.  Sadly, we were not compatible out of bed.
  • Song -- I was contemplating whether choose her or Wanda.  Wanda won out.
  • Elle -- I had been thinking about leaving Jade.  Once I fucked her, though, all bets were off.  She made too many comments about the size of my dick and it turned me off.
  • Belle -- I was choosing between her, Leah, and Audrey.  Audrey eventually won out.

So, of the 36 women I have slept with in the past seven years, I had honest aspirations of long-term arrangements with 21 of them (or I'd slept with them more than once).   I'd say that in the world of the sugar bowl, this would stack up nicely against other SDs, although I could never really prove it.

Secondly, I always did what I could with many of the girls I met to come to some agreement about how things work, based on my experience or their experience. Sometimes a girl had zero experience, but I was less likely to choose her for a partner unless she was absolutely great.  Ultimately, however, whether or not any of these girls had sufficient experience, I don't think it is (or was) my job to educate them, or to cushion the blow if things didn't work out.  I had been stood up or blown off by enough girls to realize that we were all grown-ups, and if we were going to play in this arena, we'd better have thicker skin than out there in the normal dating world.

I have no expectations that my point of view in this matter will sway my reader, and I sincerely appreciated the fact that she'd read every single blog post.  Hopefully, however, my perspective will give her food for thought if she ever decides to navigates the treacherous sugar waters.

Sunday, April 19, 2015

Stay Tuned...Revisits May be On the Way

I have for the past several months been texting back and forth with Sam.  She and I had several months of attempted dates back in summer 2013, while I was struggling with Jade.  Ultimately I ended things with Sam because she was pretty unreliable.

Honestly, not much has changed with her, but she's actually interested in seeing me again as time permits.  She has made it clear that she had always found me attractive, she has allowed me to follow her on Twitter and Instagram (where, unbelievably, she has over 10,000 followers), and she is very forthright in her desires.  I want to see her again, even if it's just briefly.

More shockingly, however, is the fact that I recently received a text from Jade.  You will recall that I truly kicked Jade to the curb about a year or so ago.  About six months ago, however, I one day felt gripped by a sudden sense of guilt over how I'd sent her away.  In telling her off so spectacularly, I was vicious.  And I decided to apologize via email.  She responded briefly after that, writing that she'd "sort of" expected it from me.  I felt a little miffed by that and didn't continue the conversation, but it felt better to unload that.  Anyway, I saw her on Instagram not long ago and liked a picture she'd posted.  She saw that I'd done that and sent me a note with her phone number asking me to text her.  When I did, we struck up a conversation and she told me she wanted to get together for lunch this week.  Now, she has a boyfriend, so I'm not considering any type of sexual reunion with her, but it is nice to re-connect, since I'd reflected about a year ago that I'd wished I'd been able to be on more friendly terms with some of my exes.  Hearing how she's doing -- she'd intimated that she'd quit her career and was doing something else, but she hasn't yet shared that with me.

Stay tuned for more updates.