Sunday, October 25, 2015

Just Putting it Out There, Chapter Two

Two plus years ago I posted a fantasy of the porn stars I'd like to fuck.  Obviously none of them happened.  Here are my current fantasies:

Lexy Lotus

Naomi Woods

And the incomparable Kimmy Granger

I am in serious lust with these hotties.  If any of you know these girls and would like to make a semi-old pervy dude happy, put them in touch with me.  The sugar will freely flow!

Saturday, October 24, 2015

Confession Time

Earlier this week I revealed my weakness for porn stars, and how I nearly found myself enmeshed with one in a way that was more than unsavory, it was downright dangerous.

However, I have to confess that today I watched this particular porn star in a scene.  What can I say, she still turns me on!  Cute smile, gorgeous eyes, dynamite petite body -- she's got it all.  Plus, the scene was of her and a much older man (in my mind, it could've been me).  It didn't take me long...

Another confession: I'm still feeling a little hung up on Audrey.  You'll recall how unbelievably badly I had wrecked our relationship.  I made some subsequent attempts to contact her, just to see if she'd be open to a conversation, and perhaps find a way to, at least, soften the blow I inflicted on her and our relationship.  But she's maintained absolute radio silence.  From time to time, she enters my mind, and I can't help but feel the sting of guilt.  I suspect that will end at some point, but for now it's there.

Yesterday, in a moment of nostalgia, I sent her a text: "It's Porter.  It's been six months. Are you still unwilling to communicate with me?"  The text failed. Thinking it might be a signal issue, I tried again. Failed again.  I then tried to dial the number.  "All circuits are busy; please try your call again later."  Then I called from a land line, and was able to get through on the first ring.  So she's blocking calls from me.  I then tried to email her and it bounced back, email address "doesn't exist."  Definitely blocking. Finally, I searched for her on Facebook, and found her profile.  Well she didn't block me there, at least, but there wasn't too much there, except..."In a Relationship with..."  Well, there's that too. Another reason to cut me off.  Now I don't feel so bad.

Is it just my pathology that gets me to care what happens to these Sugar Babies once they exit my life?  Some might suggest that I'm trying to maintain some level of control over them, but really, that would be pretty simplistic.  I truly grew to care about many of these women, and when they leave, part of me wants to know how they're doing because I want them to be happy.

But why should I? Why is it important to me that they go on with happy lives and find themselves in a better place after me? I've read other Sugar Daddy blogs and there's been a mix of post-arrangement behaviors, but for the most part other SDs find no difficulty in fully letting them go.  I think that's something I need to work on, both as a Sugar Daddy and in real life.

Friday, October 23, 2015

Another WCSD Journal First -- Returning After Two Years

We tried to make it happen two weeks ago, but we were delayed by dogs dying.  But this week, Sam and I got together for the first time since November 2013. Sort of surprises me to go back and realize that Sam and I only saw each other four times.  I've never gotten back together with a Sugar Baby after such a long period of time apart.  If Jade and I had managed to hook up this past summer, that still would have been just about 18 months.  But over these last two years, Sam and I stayed in touch, occasionally texting each other and testing the waters to see if there was still a connection.  There was.

I left work an hour early to meet Sam at a hotel that was inexpensive and directly off the freeway on my way home.  As Sam is not one to wander into a drugstore and buy condoms and lube, I had to do it, which delayed me by about 15 minutes.  Lobby, check in, wrong room, correction, right room -- another 15 minutes.  Sam had to leave at exactly the two-hour mark from our agreed-upon meet-up time, so I just lost 30 minutes of her time.  Would it be worth it?

Sam entered the room wearing a cotton shirt and denim shorts with flip flops. A little flower clip in her dark hair.  My orange envelope sitting on the desk, easy to spot.  First thing she did after we hugged for a bit and met eyes for a few seconds was to check the lighting.  "I'm so obsessive about lighting," she joked.  But see, it wasn't a joke.  She roamed the room and turned every light on and off, then fussed with the curtains to let in natural light to see if that would make a difference.  One window faced west and the sun beamed right in, so that was out.  "I get migraines so easily when the sun's right in my eyes," she said.  I just lay there on the bed, watching her flit back and forth, a bemused smile on my face, and I said, "Knock yourself out, babe."  Finally she felt satisfied with a mix of a small light from the bathroom and some natural light from a south-facing window.

But she wasn't done wandering.  Inspecting the bathroom, fussing with the curtains again, all the while chatting away about some total nonsense.  Was she high? I thought.  This was uncharacteristically quirky, even for her.  I laughed it all off though and chalked her behavior up to nerves.  Two years is a long time.  I just hung in there till she settled down.  She sat on the bed and I kissed her.  And again she was up -- this time to shower off.  "I have dog smell all over me," she said. "Not sexy."  She said she'd be out in "three to four minutes."

Ten minutes later, she emerged wearing her underwear.  Black bra and panties, very sexy.  I thought she felt thinner when I hugged her, and seeing her now confirmed it.  She'd probably dropped about ten pounds and looked fucking fantastic.  Couldn't wait to have my hands all over her.

She sat on the bed, and I kissed her in between her babbling.  "You're so nervous," I said.  "Yeah, it's been awhile since I've seen you, and I was worried how things would be between us."  I kissed her again, and this time she sunk into in and gave me some tongue.  I reached behind her and found the bra hooks.  "This is the part where I take off your bra," I said, remembering something she'd said about her underwear the first time we were together, which got her to laugh.

After we were both naked, I reacquainted myself with her body.  The same smooth skin, the same responsiveness, the same quiet passion that I remembered.  I went down on her, which she definitely liked, but I didn't do that for too long.  I so wanted to be inside her.  When she went down on me, I noticed that her skills had improved from the first times we were together.  Way more mouth and tongue, and good stroking.  Almost got me off in just a few minutes!

Soon though, I had the condom on and lubed us both up.  "Go slow," she warned, "I remember how thick your cock is."  The only comment about my cock all afternoon, and I let it go.

Sex was beautiful and romantic.  Started in missionary, shallow at first, then deeper once she got wetter.  Lots of embracing, her hands in my hair, pulling me closer, grabbing my butt, my shoulders. I returned the favor and pulled her close, licking her neck and kissing her some more.  Rolled over to cowgirl, and we finished that way.  It never got rough, which is exactly how I like it, most of the time.

A long conversation followed, catching up on each other's lives. We decided that we would see each other whenever possible, but would not set anything in stone because her travel schedule was so erratic.  In fact, as I write this she's back east doing a shoot.  Her employers there want her to move there so she can be available on shorter notice, but she loves where she lives.  She said she was moving from her current apartment.  No word on whether her next place will be just for her.  Hoping so, because I hate the hotel thing.

Before long, however, it had started to get dark and she had to leave.  I jumped in the shower and she left while I washed off.   Worth it?  Of course!

Thoroughly satisfied, I drove home and spent the rest of the evening hanging with DW and the kids.

Thursday, October 22, 2015

My Naivete Revealed

If you've read my blog, you'd probably conclude that I am (mostly) an optimist.  And you'd be right: I really do try to see the best in all the people and situations I encounter. However, right behind that optimism is a strong pragmatic streak.  Once enough data enters my brain, I tend to tamp down the optimism for stark realism.  I guess that comes from much experience over my long life that the only truth in life is what is right in front of us.  If we can't embrace reality in the present moment, we are, for all practical matters, dysfunctional human beings.

As a Sugar Daddy, my optimism has led to two divergent results: the first is that, because I am generally optimistic about how I will be received by the various Sugar Babies I approach, I tend to attract very attractive women who frequently depart from their criteria (mostly around financial support, but also age or marital status) and select me to be their Sugar Daddy.  From C, to Jade, to Leah, to Sam, and to Audrey, they all made some adjustment to what they wanted.  Of course, I'm not blind today to whatever psycho-pathology might have been at work in their minds, or what fiscal realities they faced, which compelled them to choose me over others.  I just know that, had I been less accepting of who they were as people, I would have had far less success (and this blog may never have been born!).

The second result of my optimism is that I can fall victim to women who are being deliberately deceptive in their dealings with me, such that I do things that either violate my principles or unnecessarily lighten my wallet.  Jade and Leah are two who were particularly adept at leading me to think one thing while their objectives were entirely something else.  Jade pretended to have feelings for me -- even telling me she loved me -- in order to keep the money flowing.  Leah feigned interest in an intimate relationship with me, but luckily I came to my senses about my stupid choice to be with her in the first place before things got too sticky.  It didn't hurt that I had just come off my time with Jade, which I think heightened my perceptions about when a Sugar Baby was conning me.  This may, of course, read like 20/20 hindsight to some readers, but no matter; hindsight is there to clarify what we might not otherwise have noticed the first time.  This is why I wrote "luckily" above, because at the time it was happening I was unaware that Leah was being deceptive.

Last month I wrote about a potential new Sugar Baby who might be entering my life as Staci was exiting it.  Today I'll reveal a little more about it and relate the brief but dramatic story that culminated in a (fortunate) failure to connect.  On my Downtown LASD Twitter feed. I follow a lot of porn stars.  What can I say?  I love porn, and I love young, lovely porn stars.  I'm fascinated by their choices to become sex workers and then promote themselves without shame about all the sex work that they're doing.  I think it's a sign of empowerment.  I don't think that the porn stars of my youth, had they had online social media back then, would have been so brazen about promoting themselves.  Such practices are definitely a by-product of our hyper-connected times, and porn was still a shadow industry in the 1980s.  But I digress.

One of the porn stars I follow was a pretty cute thing who was 20 years old.  She looked very much like a tatted-out, porn version of a sitcom star about whom I used to fantasize when I was a lad. In fact, her porn name was inspired by this actress's best-known character.  (This is the most I'll reveal about her, by the way, as I want to avoid too much "real life" detail.)  I'll call her BB. Occasionally I would retweet or reply to BB's tweets with some clever comment, and she would either "favorite" the tweet or retweet it.  Eventually, after a few weeks, BB unexpectedly began following me.  I have learned that this is not as high a compliment as it might appear to be. Because she was now following me, we could communicate via DMs (direct messages).  One day, I read a tweet she posted that revealed she had no boyfriend to fuck.  You already see where I'm going, don't you?  I bit the bait.  I sent her a DM: "I'll be your daddy."  She suggested I could cover her rent.  "How much is it?  I'll pay it."  (It needs to be revealed here that BB was working in my town for a couple of weeks at the time, but that her home was on the other side of the country.)  I figured she came out here often enough for work, and if so, we could potentially have a Sugar Daddy/Baby arrangement in exchange for her rent. She replied, "Really?" and that her rent was just slightly more than I normally spend per month on sugar.  "Sure," I wrote, "I think that's workable.  How often do you come out here for work?"  "Once in a while," she wrote. "That's really cool of you btw.  Thanks."  This was about the time I posted about having a potential new SB entering my life.

Flash forward to a week ago.  The DM exchanges had fizzled out, and I had begun to think that I'd been a bit optimistic that something could be worked out. Further, she'd earlier revealed on her feed that she moved to a new place.  And she had DM'd me to tell me that her rent was higher, fifty percent more than I normally invest per month.  I hadn't told her this was unacceptable, but my plan had all along been that I'd cover nearly all her rent, but not all of it.  On this day last week, BB posted that she'd been burglarized in her new apartment and had lost everything of value, including her laptop and all her cash from working.  Without her laptop, she'd be unable to do the webcam shows she did that supplemented her income from on camera porn acting.  She posted pictures of how her front door had been busted open and how her apartment had been ransacked.  Having been violated like that before, I knew that she felt absolutely distraught.  I DM'd her and -- like a dummy -- gave her my cell phone number and told her I could help her.  Yes, you're all shaking your heads right now.  What was I thinking, right?  But this was my optimism at play here.  I wanted and tried to see the best in her.  She was a young kid, a victim of crime, and now had nothing to help her get back on her feet.  I had a little cash, and I could send her some modest amount, and it would be well-received.
The next morning, BB texted me and identified herself by her porn star name.  We chatted briefly, with me offering sympathy but nothing else at first.  Then I started a discussion by suggesting that she start a crowd-funding page and tweet to her followers and fans that she needed help.  I said that she'd probably see donations that by far exceeded what she'd lost in the burglary. She said she felt that she didn't want to lean on her fans like that: "People are gonna look at me as pathetic for asking for money instead of just working for it."  I told her, "You're not pathetic, you've just suffered a big setback.  I don't think your fans would see you that way."  I then offered to buy her a new laptop, which she had said would cost just $500.   I asked if she or someone she knew had a PayPal account. She said no, but that the person who had the laptop for sale, a friend of hers, suggested that I send her money via Western Union.  Well you know from my past experiences that the words "Western Union" immediately make me super cautious.  However, I was willing to help, and it wasn't a lot of cash.  And lately, I've been in such a place of calm and peace that letting go of specific results -- that giving her the money without any expectation of something from her in return -- would lead to something better.  So I agreed to send her the money.  Still, I said, I think I need to know her name in order to send the money.  She gave me her first name right away.  We then set up a Google Wallet for her and I sent the money that way, but she was unable to set it up because apparently Google had banned her. She said it was because she did cam shows for cash and that Google prohibited using Google Wallet for sex work.  The money was returned.  Nevertheless she said she was touched. "Makes me want to cry that you're doing this for me. I felt so helpless walking in my home and seeing this mess and my stuff gone."  She pleaded for me to try Western Union.  After all that she had said, including that I could text her anytime, I decided to go for it.  So I downloaded the Western Union app to my phone and set up the transfer.  I then texted her and asked her for her full name.  I figured it was necessary.  In hindsight of course I could have used her porn star name and it would have been OK.  It's not like she's a household name like Jenna Jameson or anything.  She didn't give me her full name until the next day.  I told her I promised that I wouldn't share the info with anyone. After actually talking to her on the phone and asking her to text me a photo of herself with the date written on her hand (just a standard anti-scam step), I completed the transaction and hit Send.

However, curiosity overcame me.  I decided that, with her full name, I would look her up to see if she had a Facebook profile and I'd get to see what, if anything, she had in her private life.  What came up made me sick to my stomach. The first 10 links on Google were articles written about her. Apparently, last year she'd been arrested and charged with a heinous crime. I won't reveal what the crime was, and there were no articles that revealed the outcome of the charges, but I knew that she was not in jail or anything because she was able to text me and connect on Twitter.  But the reality of this information felt like a bucket of ice water poured over my head.  I was stone cold sober now.  I texted her what I did and that the information was "not flattering."  She was pretty angry with me, and then she tried to deny that any of it was true. "Whatever you saw is old and not true.  The internet slandering me."  Yeah, sure.  This may not be a total scam, but there was absolutely no way I was going to send her anything.  I went to the Western Union app and canceled the transaction in time.

In my head, all sorts of scenarios started to play out.  She could be connected, and find out who I am, and expose me, or try to extort more money from me. She's a criminal after all.  After I calmed down, however, I decided that the best course of action would be to let things cool off for a day or so.  She would text me over the next day and say things like, "I'm super uncomfortable that you have my full name."  And "Money's not here yet."  Finally, after two days, I had devised a way to defuse the situation as quickly and painlessly as I could.  I would tell her that the deal was off and politely insist that we forget that we knew each other.  No apologies, no "take care," just end it simply and without provocation.

That morning, she said that another friend had a PayPal account and that I could transfer the money that way.  Now was the time. "Hi," I wrote, "after much thought I've decided against this transfer. You have absolutely no worries regarding my having your real name.  I will do nothing with that information.  It's best that we not communicate further." Two brief, angry, but harmless texts back from her, and it was over. I un-followed her on Twitter and blocked her for safe measure, but not before she tweeted my handle to some other porn stars I was following and for them to "watch out for this dude. Totally creepy."  If this was the worst thing that happened, I was lucky.

The headline of this post suggests I was naive.  Probably so.  In my optimism, I thought that all young porn stars were in it mainly for money, but weren't necessarily carrying around a lot of heavy baggage.  Watching a documentary like "Hot Girls Wanted" revealed to me that there might be some darker, family related stuff, but nothing along the lines of what had shown up in my Google search of BB's life.  Now I know better.  Sometimes you never know one's darkest secrets, and the internet only makes that even less likely.  BB has a dark past, one that is not so recent.  And she's probably not the only porn star with hidden shit.  Whether the information is true or not, she's fucking toxic.  In hindsight, I realized why she represented herself in porn.  No agency would touch her given the information about her on the internet.  They wouldn't want to be associated with her.  No major porn production company would handle her either, at least not until there's some published resolution of her case.  In a way, I feel sorry for her.  Girls her age should never have to be dealing with the things she's dealing with.  I don't know if she is estranged from her parents or family, but now would be a good time for her to find some connection to someone to help her ground herself.  As for me, I've moved on, and with each experience, I gain insight into this Sugar journey that makes me better and better at what I do.

Monday, October 19, 2015

Sugar Babies Making Interesting Career Choices

As I've recently changed jobs, and as my income has (at least for now) dried up to nearly nothing, I haven't been able to justify spending money on sugar dating.  Oh, I've got the cash to do it, but no way to replace it at a rate that makes it convenient.  And, despite the fact that I place a high value on my sexual experiences, I place a higher value on my and my family's financial security.  Gotta eat, gotta keep a roof over our heads, gotta save for retirement and college and all that.  So, Staci being out of my life (and now out of my life for good), and with Sam traveling so much and rarely available to meet, and with DW and I going on 11 months without intercourse, I really had no one to turn to for sex, if or when the beast inside decided that I needed to have it.

Since Sugar Babies are not a good option right now and I really want to have sex, I thought about looking to see if there were any escorts I could actually find acceptable.  And, of course, there are, if I'm willing to part with enough money.  Escorts are not, to me, as attractive as Sugar Babies, and the time spent together is 100% transactional (see my earlier post on the subject), so I just don't see me investing as much money for a transaction as I would for building a relationship that can last for months (or years).  So, I look for those whose rates are somewhat less than what I invest for a single meeting with a Sugar Baby.

There is a website that I will not specify that is a repository for escort advertising.  Kind of interesting how they are so brazen about it.  Not that these women specify that they'll do anything sexual, but they do mention specific dollar amounts that they charge for "quickies," half-hour dates (HH), full-hour dates (MH), multi-hour dates, or overnight dates.  One even specified that "MSOG" (an acronym I actually had to look up that stood for "Multiple Shots on Goal," meaning climaxing multiple times during a session) would require an extra fee.  Some include links to their personal websites, which can also be under the umbrella of an agency.  Some request "roses" instead of dollars, and some post a disclaimer that their fees are only for their time, and that anything else which occurs is strictly consensual between adults.  As if a judge would buy that.  There were plenty of choices.  In particular, the Asian escorts offered the lowest prices.  Not sure why that is.  I've had plenty of time with Asian escorts prior to my time as a Sugar Daddy, and I frequently found them to be far more accommodating and personable (albeit usually with a language barrier) than their Caucasian or Latina counterparts.  I remember one Caucasian escort from 2008, I'll call her Allie, who rushed me through our transaction so fast that I felt like asking for my money back ($400 by the way).  That was, in fact, my last escort transaction.  I think if those Asian pimps had any real business sense, they'd charge more for their typically really cute girls.

So, browsing the various ads, I came across one that featured a cover pic that was instantly familiar. It was Belle, a Sugar Baby I'd met early last year and with whom I'd had a single and very memorable encounter.  Belle was escorting? Even after finishing college?  Why?  I had to find out, but I didn't want to give away that I already knew her.  I sent an email to her using my Sugar Daddy email address (one that I never used with her before), and then texted her at the number she left on her ad.  I took a chance that she did not keep my number as a contact in her phone and assumed that after 18 months had passed since our single encounter, she wouldn't remember me.  The only responses I got were that she was not available on the day I requested and a request that I host.  "I don't think the wife would like that," I responded.  My thought was that I couldn't spring for a hotel because I'd requested a morning date. Only way would be to go to her apartment. No other communication after that.

A few days later, on a total scorcher of a day, I went to a Starbucks in my neighborhood with one of my kids.  As the two of us walked up to the door, I noticed a large dog leashed up near the door and panting in the shade, next to a bag of groceries.  We said hi to the dog, and my kid loves them so much, and we walked inside.  Standing in line, I noticed a rather tall girl a couple of places in front of us who looked very fine indeed.  Dressed casually in a gray tank top and black leggings, with her chestnut brown hair piled high behind her in a sloppy pony tail.  The guy in front of my kid and me stepped out of the line, so we were right behind her.  She was called to the counter, and then I saw her profile.  It was Belle!  I'd have recognized her lovely face anywhere.  She lived in my neighborhood after all, and close to this Starbucks.  She hadn't see me yet, but I was sending signals to her to turn my way and notice me.  It didn't hurt that my kid and I were having an animated conversation and laughing with each other.  I heard the cashier ask her name, and that's when I became 100% certain it was Belle.  Once she stepped out of line she turned and briefly we met eyes.  I know she recognized me.  She was not wearing a bra and I could see her nipples clearly through the fabric of her tank top. She got a cup of water from the barrista and took it outside and gave it to the dog.  Her dog, of course!  She said she'd had dogs!  I stepped out of line and let my kid place the order so I could casually watch her.  I was hoping my kid would get served quickly so we could go visit the dog again and perhaps have a chance to chat with Belle.  But she was gone before my kid was served.  We hadn't exchanged a single word the whole time, but I know she knew it was me.

Later I got home and texted her: "I'm sorry, I've been less than fully honest.  You and I have been together once before.  My name is (...) and yours is (...).  We met on [the sugar daddy website] last year, and I just saw you at Starbucks [near your apartment]."  I then described what she was wearing and what I was wearing, and that she was with her dog and I was with my kid.  "I saw your ad and then I saw you today.  I don't believe in accidents.  If you're free tomorrow, I'm available.  Text me." I then attached a recent pic of myself so that she'd be sure to know it was me.  I think she probably felt a little weird after all that time to bump into me in public while I was with my kid and she was so casually dressed.  It had to happen at some point, as our town is pretty small.  Anyway, she never responded, and probably won't respond.  As I wrote in my last post, maybe some of these sugar babies feel a sense of shame at what they're doing to pay their bills. No matter; I'm not responsible for their feelings, I'm just doing what I do.

Not being able to play with Belle is no big deal.  There are so many others.  I actually contacted an Asian escort (through her agency) and got as far as her address ("we give you apartment number when you get here") before I backed out a couple of hours later.  I'll try again this week, as the urge to fuck is very nearly unbearable.  Of course, I'm predicting it will be less than fully satisfying, but no expectations, right?

Saturday, October 17, 2015

The Ongoing Saga Of Hostile Ex-Sugar Babies

What is it with ex-Sugar Babies anyway?  I have usually treated those girls with whom I'd spent an extended period of time (let's say at least a couple of months) with respect, privacy, and maturity. And yet, when things end, they get all fucking crazy and emphatically put distance between them and me.

The other day, I texted Staci just to say hi.  Even though I'd pretty much ended things, my job transfer next month would make it easier for us to get together.  Always one to hedge my bets, however, I did give her an out when I last saw her.  I wrote:

Please don't deprive yourself of sex because of me.  What we have is special, but it's just sex. I'd truly feel sad if you went without it for three months.
Staci's response came as a surprise: "Hi.  I've started dating someone really great and I have to say goodbye.  I wish you all the best.  Please do NOT contact me again."  Instantly I wrote back, "No worries, babe.  Had a great time with you.  Best wishes to you too."

Then, as is my custom with nearly every girl when it finally ends -- from C, to Jade, to Leah, to Audrey, and even to Lola -- I send a goodbye email.  I promised her she'd never hear from me again after I sent it, and it went like this:

I don't know if you've met a new SD, or are really dating someone.  No matter.  If you're happy, I'm pleased. I knew that once I'd started this new job our relationship would eventually end,  even if I moved my office closer to you. 
Glad we got to spend some fun times together. You're a bright girl,  and fantastic in bed, but you don't need me to tell you that.  Your new man is lucky, just like I was,  to enjoy being with you.
Not sure I fully understand the whole "don't contact me again" idea. I'm harmless,  no longer interested in a physical relationship with you now,  so what's the harm in a few emails or texts now and then?  If I did or said something to suggest I was not trustworthy in any way,  it would help if you enlightened me.  I'm really trying to see if I can remain in good terms with ex-SBs.  If there is nothing to discuss, please do not feel obligated to respond to this email.
Meanwhile,  since I'm off the market due to the new job,  I'm not looking for anyone.  I wouldn't be opposed to seeing you again in the future,  if your situation changes and you think it would be worth it.
Again,  I had a great time over the summer.  I have a permanent record of our time together,  so at least I'll get to enjoy that from time to time. 
Thanks for everything,  and all the best.
Seems kind of innocuous, right?  Well, her response was pretty unusual, considering that for three months we'd been extremely civil:

I asked you to NOT contact me any longer, and here you are EMAILING me.
I started dating a great guy and I don't EVER want to sabotage it. This is why I asked you to please don't contact me in any way shape or form. This is not personal, we had a great time. But it is over.
I hope you will not use the video in any way besides occasional watching. I would ask you to get rid of it if you can, it would make me feel safer.
Also, he has access to my phone, my emails and my social media. So please bear that in mind. Don't email me, ESPECIALLY on (and here she types her primary email address).  He works in IT and he can find your contacts if you need [sic] s to and destroy your marriage. I don't think you ever want to lose your wife or your kids. This is not a threat, this is a serious warning.
Best of luck,Goodbye
Putting aside for a minute the fact that she considers some guy who has access to her phone, emails, and social media, someone who would find my contacts and destroy my marriage simply for sending an email to her to say hello, "a great guy," which diminishes her intelligence in my eyes, why would she give me her primary email address, which I never had in the first place?  Was this just unintentional stupidity on her part, or was she baiting me to do something stupid?

And why the hostility?  I realize that I went against her wishes, but I went out of my way to say 1) that she'd never hear from me again, and 2) that she didn't have to write back unless she wanted to give me feedback about how I showed up in the relationship.  Maybe she just wasn't reading very closely, and maybe I was expecting above average attention from someone who is 25 years my junior.  I don't know.  It just seems like she, like C before her, like Leah, and like Lola, were doing everything they could to put distance between me and her.

Ladies, when you end a relationship (not when he has ended it), is it normal to sever all contact with your ex-SD?  Or, given the fact that you have spent quality time and received a fair amount of financial consideration, do you shut it down like you'd turn out a light?  Why?  If not, what is your thinking that makes it OK for you to stay in touch, and to let him stay in touch with you?

Finally, it really puzzles me that she'd have so little self-esteem that she felt she had to pretend that this short chapter in her life had to be swept under the rug as though it didn't exist.  As though this brief period were something to be ashamed of.

Another question, ladies, and this one is really deep: would you rather be doing something else to supplement your lifestyle other than sugaring?  In other words, do you regret meeting older, married men and fucking them (or not) in exchange for help with bills, rent, travel, shopping, etc.?  Do you secretly feel like prostitutes?  Or do you hold your head up high and proudly sugar, putting your assets to good use?

* * *
In other news, the new Sugar Baby that I mentioned in that earlier post has suffered a serious financial setback and reached out to me for help.  She made a serious mistake with her money and basically lost it all.  I've agreed to help her for now, even though there's little chance that she'll sleep with me.  I just felt for her being such a young girl, living on her own, with no safety net, no network of friends or relatives who can assist her.  Rent will be due in a couple of weeks, and I know that she'll be in trouble if she can't raise some funds right now.  No sense in an otherwise good girl being kicked out of her apartment without someone there to help out.  If and when she comes to town from back east, perhaps we'll meet up and see if there's chemistry.  For now, I expect nothing.  Feels good to help with no ulterior motive.

Saturday, October 10, 2015

She's Back!

No, not C.  Not Jade, Not Leah or Audrey either.  Good riddance to all of those, right?

I'm talking about my quirky swimsuit model, Sam!

We haven't seen each other in two years, but I've thought of her often.  She was the geeky, gorgeous, animal-loving beach babe I saw for about two months while I took time off from Jade in the summer of 2013.

I ended things with Sam primarily because she had really bad communication skills.  In other words, she didn't stay in touch as often as I'd like.  But for the past two years, we've contacted each other every so often to say hello.  She has been working a lot out of town: back east or to Asia for photo shoots.  I would post her pictures, but uh uh!  I will say, however, that she is a very popular girl in social media, with thousands of followers, and I don't want to compromise her anonymity (again). Still, it's kind of cool!

This week, she was in town for a couple of weeks before heading back out.  She was tending to a couple of animals she was fostering with the help of her roommates, and these two little babies were horribly sick.  She'd actually started a crowd-funding campaign to raise funds for their veterinary care.

With my busy schedule, and with the fact that my income is pretty nonexistent for the time being, I've been reluctant to do any sugaring, but Sam is worth splurging for.  If she's available, that is.  This week, she agreed to meet up. I'm sure that she just wanted money to care for these animals.  So, I suggested that, instead of a cash allowance, I donate to her campaign for the same amount.  I thought, this way I could put the donation on a card, and pay it off next month when I actually had income. Luckily she agreed!

The night before our date, I texted her to purchase protection.  Playfully I added, "Or we could go without... these meds I'm taking have me shooting blanks.  Absolutely nothing comes out."  She sent back a smiley face and responded, "I just had a doctor put in an IUD three months ago, and I haven't had sex since then.  But let's just be safe, OK?"  "No worries," I replied.

However, later that night, she texted to tell me that one of her animals had died despite lots of effort to save him.  The other one was also in very critical condition.  She asked me not to book a hotel until she knew she felt emotionally up to it.  I sensed the inevitable but acknowledged that I wouldn't want her when she was feeling down.

In the morning she texted that she was not up to meeting, and also that she'd gotten her period.  She suggested meeting the following week, but I'm not available then.  She'll be gone for 10 days, so I suggested a date after she returned.  "Ten more days isn't going to matter after we've waited two whole years, right?"

So, for now at least, Sam is back in my life.  I haven't thought much about Staci, although it has crossed my mind that, with Staci being bisexual and Sam once expressing openness to a threesome with another woman, I might have an opportunity.

Friday, October 2, 2015

Life Goes On

This is a recent pic of my lovely C, with her beautiful engagement ring.  Sigh. Happy for her, but this is surely a bittersweet moment for me.

Life goes on.  Not much to report of late, as I've been working like crazy at the new gig.  Staci and I are staying in touch, though I'm in no rush to re-engage (see what I did there?) with her.

More to come soon, I hope.