I have been following your blog for a very long time now and so many times i found your attitude very deceiving, I never posted a comment but now really I don't like what I read. I understand you want to stay away from drama but she seems to be a great girl, she is just going though a bad time and it won't last. Wouldn't you feel great and satisfied if you help a woman close to you to get better? I am sorry if i make mistakes i am actually French so my English isn't perfect :)I'm not sure how my attitude is "deceiving," unless the reader is commenting on the approach I take with some of my sugar babies. In any relationship, particularly in these short-term, recreational ones, there is such a thing as too much honesty. No man would ever tell his woman she looked fat, for example. At least not in that way! In these short term relationships, I've maintained for a long time that they are chiefly about sex and fun, and anything goes so long as the sex and fun continue. If a man is being deceptive and gets caught and she doesn't care for it, he should expect that to blow up in his face. Hopefully it doesn't blow up too badly! So I see no issue with a nominal amount of deception in order to keep the sex and fun going, but most readers will know that I prefer as much honesty as possible. Even Sugar Daddies have morals!
As for the issue of "drama," the reader should re-read what I wrote about Aussie and her drama. He suggests that I help Aussie out to feel a sense of satisfaction that I helped her in her time of need. To be clear, I wrote that I expect to be investing in new furniture for her. Giving her the means to afford the furniture pleases me, but it's not the big source of pleasure and satisfaction for me. I'm emotionally connected to Aussie now. I care about her and want her to feel happy and safe. She is my girlfriend, mistress, lover -- all of them. However, I've also written before that there are limits for me to the amount of drama I'm willing to endure. On my sugar daddy profile, I write, "I don't expect zero drama [in my arrangements] because when two people like each other, sometimes there's conflict, so let's not shy away from it, let's learn from it." If the drama gets in the way of the sex and fun, however, then I have to draw the line. I've already got a wife, and there's plenty of conflict and drama and disagreement there to make me never want to have it anywhere else in my life, but I'm not stupid. If a Sugar Baby and I are repeatedly taking off our clothes and having sex, we're eventually over time going to be feeling stuff for each other. Emotions bring up wounds, and baggage, and other things that color any relationship, so conflict is bound to come up. I'm all for resolving those conflicts so long as they don't uncover deeper ones. So far Aussie's drama has been minimal. In my last post I simply acknowledged that I recognized it. She's had a tough week, and seems to have solved her problems quite ably without my help. My antennae are up around her work, however. She's a new immigrant, and while she's quite savvy, it's possible for her to be taken advantage of. I don't want that for her, but if it does happen, that's a deeper drama that may get in the way of our having fun. As soon as the fun part of the relationship starts taking a back seat to the drama, the relationship must end.
Hope that clears things up for the reader.
IN OTHER NEWS:
Ava is OUT. And I mean totally OUT. We met for lunch near my office just a couple of hours ago. I had been so eager to meet this girl who'd characterized herself as slim and athletic, and had sent me pictures to confirm it! But I was SO disappointed at who actually showed up! As she walked toward me in her black dress, flat shoes, and tasteful jewelry, it was clear that who I saw did NOT match the slender, petite woman I saw in the pictures. She was, to put it bluntly, fat, dumpy, and not in shape. Her upper arms and thighs were easily as big around as mine. Her face was pretty enough, but I've been deceived by pretty faces in the past! Maybe I didn't pay close enough attention to the camera angles, or the the fact that she always seemed to have something in front of her legs in all her pics. Anyway, I paid for a lunch that included a cocktail for her. She's a hardcore vegan too, so there was that look when I ordered fish. All that said, however, she was so intelligent, and ambitious, and so completely charming, and I fucking HATED that I didn't find her the least bit attractive. Part of me felt shallow for not digging her body type, but I know what I like, and I'm not afraid to admit it. Despite the fact that she gave me a nice kiss afterwards (a $160 kiss), and told me that I should post better pictures of myself because I was "far more attractive in person than in the pictures," I cannot see myself involved with her for the next four months until she goes off to school.
This experience brings me to a reflection. At lunch yesterday with Ari, she'd mentioned that she preferred it when people were direct with her and told her straight what was up. It got me thinking about how I should best tell a potential Sugar Baby that I'm not interested, particularly after we meet and share a meal and a decent conversation. Yesterday, I knew immediately that Ari was not the right girl for me, but I took a passive approach and let her say no to my offer rather than me simply saying, "You know, as much as I'd like to start a relationship with you, I got the impression from lunch that your financial needs are beyond what I'm willing to invest." That's a far more active approach, one that I like, but have been reluctant to use because I fear a negative reaction. Now just like I would never tell my woman that she is fat, I certainly wouldn't tell Ava that I wasn't attracted to her. But rather than wait until we're not face to face, I could simply say, "Great meeting you, I think you're wonderful and charming, but we're not a match. Thanks for joining me for lunch." What would be so wrong with that? I'll tell you what I'm thinking: the idea that a) she is walking back to her car, feeling rejected and hurt as if this was not the first time she'd been rejected, b) she is walking back to her car, feeling angry and resentful at what an asshole I was after all, or c) she is walking back to her car, thinking oh well, I could take or leave it anyway (in other words, I didn't matter). The idea that d) she's walking back to her car, thinking he's a nice guy, too bad it won't work out, but time to move ahead just doesn't occur to me. This is what has me hiding behind my phone, and has me looking for the right spin to justify my decision. Case in point: Gemini. I fucked her last week, but I haven't called or texted her since that day. I'm sure she'll get the hint eventually, but I'd much rather just tell her that I'm not going to continue. I would rate sex with her as Great -- not mind blowing, but Great. But the experience of her bouncing all over her apartment just turned me off. In reality, that's the real reason I don't want to continue. But it's also true that there are two other women -- Aussie and Phoebe -- who are willing to engage in the same arrangement for slightly less money, and with whom I am just as happy. So my final note to her -- a fucking text -- would be along those lines: "Sorry for not writing, been busy with work. Just wanted to say that while I enjoyed our time together, I'm not going to continue." If she asks why, then I tell her the truth: "Just that there are others willing to accept less and they also have their own places. I know that makes me seem cheap, and I'm sorry." I slink away and move on. But in some respects, wouldn't it be better if I had said the next day, "Great hanging out. You're hot and cute and fun and I had a great time. Unfortunately, for reasons I don't care to explain, I don't feel we're a match. All the best." Isn't that a better approach? I'd actually love feedback on that.
Happy Weekend, everyone!