Wednesday, November 8, 2017

Sugar Dating Validates Feminism

I'm going to get a little political with this post, so please bear with me.

A profoundly moving op-ed piece in today's New York Times, written by author Lindy West, is titled "Brave Enough to Be Angry." The piece centers around the surge in female anger around the way men have diminished, demeaned, and discredited women who have stood up for themselves against abuse, violence, and harassment.  The piece contains the following brilliant observation:
I did not call myself a feminist until I was nearly 20 years old. My world had taught me that feminists were ugly and ridiculous, and I did not want to be ugly and ridiculous. I wanted to be cool and desired by men, because even as a teenager I knew implicitly that pandering for male approval was a woman’s most effective currency. It was my best shot at success, or at least safety, and I wasn’t sophisticated enough to see that success and safety, bestowed conditionally, aren’t success and safety at all. They are domestication and implied violence.
I emphasized that part in bold to point out that it doesn't really matter where a woman is in her life. She could be a college student, an entry-level clerical worker, or a restaurant hostess, or a mid-level manager, or a state legislator, or even an entrepreneur/CEO. A woman's most effective means to gain traction in a male-dominated society is her looks and her sexuality. And, unfortunately, because of the fact that men dominate the landscape, looks and sexuality only go so far, and not even talent or wisdom or political or business connections are guaranteed to help. In fact, sometimes they can even hinder a woman's advancement because of the threats they pose to the male-dominated paradigm.

This dynamic doesn't disappear in the sugar dating environment, either. Plenty of women I've met and talked with over the years, including women with whom I've been intimate, have described instances where men took advantage of them by using their power and/or their money as tools. I had to go back and look at my own history as described in this blog to check my own behavior to make sure I'm not fully guilty of the same level of abuse. I'm happy to say that I've been pretty good about how I've treated women on my journey. I have definitely been angry with a number of women over the years, but I've never used my position (such as it is) to belittle any of them. Most of my anger has been in response to some perceived (or actual) disrespect I've received: Jade's lying, Leah's manipulation, or Red's handling of my financial counter-offer. I took advantage of a couple of women early on to sleep with them without an allowance (Lina, Katie). I slept with a few knowing I'd only see them once, rather than eventually discovering we weren't a good fit.

Where I see sugar dating as a validation of feminism is in how it democratizes the relationship. It "levels the playing field," as it were. Men and women in the sugar community know that there is a knowing exchange between parties that are of equal value. Sure, men (including me) do try to get away with as low an allowance as possible, but there is no manipulation involved if a woman consents to the allowance. It's presumed that she's deliberated her circumstances and decided to accept what the man is offering in a fully informed way. I won't deny that there are exceptions to this, but my take on it in general is that it's a very fair dynamic.  Women feel empowered that they are in charge of defining their value and they have full agency over it. Men who try to violate that quickly discover that they're not going to get laid anymore, so the vast majority of the time, they behave themselves. 

Of course, I don't deny the existence of the fakes and flakes who tend to clog up the sugar website. I remember porn star Kyra's sorry tale of being shorted her allowance.  But again, those are exceptions, not the rules.

Far more often than not, I've heard stories from these women who say they felt like an equal, like a partner, and highly appreciated by their "daddies." I would say that the sugar dating world is one of the only places where a woman can use her most effective currency and be well rewarded for it. On reflection, I think it may even be one reason why I kind of dislike the "sugar" terminology -- "Daddy" and "Baby" absolutely convey a dominant/submissive vibe, but I think those terms are more about the predominant age difference between the parties, and are attempts to be playful rather than establishing some sort of gender-based hierarchy. In reality, the dynamic is much more egalitarian and respectful, and forward-thinking.

Brandon Wade, the founder of Seeking Arrangement who basically invented the modern sugar dating subculture, put it this way in an essay he wrote for CNN in September 2014 (I was with Audrey at the time, engaging in swinging with other couples):
Traditional relationships are based on possessiveness and selfishness. As I look at the future of traditional relationships, I see divorces, heartbreaks and broken families.

But it doesn't have to be that way. By encouraging people to find and negotiate an arrangement, we hope to create modern relationships based on open-mindedness, open communication, brutal honesty and transparent expectations.
Here's somewhere a woman can ask for and get what she wants with complete honesty about how and why she is asking. As a man, I find that disarming but also refreshing. I don't need to do the dance, I don't have to adhere to traditional norms about relationships, and I get to find a partner who feels the same. That partner, amazingly enough, is my wife.  My DW and I nearly lost our marriage and our family because of adherence to tradition.  Now that DW and I are beginning to explore sexuality in this new way, I am literally thrilled at the possibilities.

Monday, November 6, 2017

Frustrating Delays

Next week DW and I were supposed to see Missy for our first time together, but we had to postpone it a week due to an event that we're obligated to attend. It's not an event that I'd normally ever want to attend, and since it was our date night I tried hard to figure out a way not to go.  But when our kids got home a couple of nights ago, we found out the that older one was participating in and leading a portion of this event. So, DW and I looked at each other and said, "Let's let Missy know."

I sent Missy a pretty generic text:
Hey, babe, how are you? So, I hate to do this, but are you available the following week? DW and I just got notice of an event we have to attend. We're so sorry because we have been so excited to see you and play together. Can you please let me know?


Missy was, luckily, available the next week, and she replied that she, too, was looking forward to getting together but "I understand."

It was the "I understand" part that worried me. In my mind, "I understand" conveys disappointment. Think of that TV show when the hero, who's been interviewing for that dream job, gets that phone call with the bad news that he didn't get it, and says, "I understand...thank you for the opportunity." You feel so bad for the guy, don't you?  Well, that's where my head went when I heard "I understand" from Missy.  If she had said, "Yeah, I'm available, it's no problem, thanks for letting me know so far in advance," that would have been cool and would have conveyed something much different and much less loaded, than "I understand."

So, that's when I clarified, and told her the full story. "I didn't really want to share all the details because they might seem manipulative, particularly because they involve our kids," I wrote. "Honestly, we would never have postponed unless we had a compelling reason."  I got no response, but didn't really expect one.

Now I'm in my head and I'm not sure she'll wait another two weeks to see us. I might not if I were her.

A similar thing happened with Toni, who had run into traffic issues a couple of weeks ago and had to postpone meeting us for drinks. As I wrote before, she probably disqualified herself, but I kept the door open just in case things didn't work out for one of the others (I am always, always hedging my bets). Now that things with Missy feel a little weird for me, I'm glad I hedged. Anyway, Toni returned from Hong Kong and then went to Las Vegas for business and pleasure.  Her Instagram was full of pics and short videos of her at various nightclubs (and always with those ridiculous Snapchat filters on her face). But a few of the vids were very sexy, and I told her so. She then texted, "So, should we meet on the 13th?" That was our Missy date day. "Maybe it's better we meet on the 6th," I replied, forgetting we had this obligatory event. "That works better for me," she wrote, "OK!" I told her I'd discuss with DW. Before I did, however, I remembered why the 6th didn't work. And an hour or so later I wrote, "Hey, DW just reminded me that we have a conflict that night. I'll have to get back to you on when we're next available."  Her answer? "I see." I think that's even worse than "I understand."  Not that I'm all broken up about it, but I really hate to be the bad guy.

Over the weekend, Missy and I have communicated a bit, and we're still on for next week, but my chief concern now is my belief that DW will get her monthly in the next week, which would make seeing Missy very problematic. If that happens, I'm hoping that DW will have learned to trust me enough to let me see Missy on my own.

Yeah, yeah, I know I'm probably insane for wanting this. But the upshot of it is that Missy will probably move on if we put her off again, regardless of the reason. Sugar babies count on us to be reliable, and cancelling is seen as a definite no-no. I had a chat with DW about this topic over the weekend, because she and I wanted to buy tickets to a concert and they were about $500 apiece, which is pretty damn expensive. DW suggested we forego getting together with Missy or Rose so we could go to the show. I said, "We might as well tell them we don't want to see them anymore if we do that. We've already canceled on Missy once, so if we do it again, she'll probably bail. This is an arrangement, and it looks bad for us not to hold up our end."  DW understood that but I still think she'd rather go to the concert.  But having had that chat with DW sort of makes it easier for me to broach the topic of seeing Missy on my own.  Long-shot, I know, but I'm not beneath taking long-shots.

POSTSCRIPT: our kid woke up sick today, so we aren't going to the event after all. Still have to stay home and take care of the kid anyway.

Friday, October 27, 2017

WCSD Journal Post #600: The End ... of Couples Counseling

I can't believe that I've been writing this blog pretty regularly since October 15, 2012. That's over five years, and now six hundred posts!

I feel amazed when I look back at the arc of my journey as a Sugar Daddy, like I don't even recognize myself from back then. From May 2008, when I tentatively played with Anita, a young blonde real estate agent, down on her luck in the recession, only to get the guilts something awful the next day. Through CC, the first woman with whom I'd had an actual arrangement in September 2008, who was a sexual open book, but who bored me to tears with how dim-witted she often was. Through C/Hayden, the tall, exotic college student who wasn't my "type" at all in July 2009, but who became my sexual soulmate through three years of lust, love, my first real threesome, an STI scare, and ultimately, a heartbreak that still endures to this day. Through Jade, who throughout 2013 helped me heal from the wounds I'd suffered with C/Hayden but brought her own crazy drama that created new -- and in some ways even deeper -- cuts. Through Leah, with whom I briefly built an incredibly intimate connection, until I came to my senses about how dangerous such an involvement could be. Through Audrey, who in January 2014 began to rescue me from all that drama, and gave me 15 months of uncomplicated sexual adventure -- including three full couple swaps. Through Staci, my Russian koshka, who brought tons of sexual sparkle to my summer in 2015. Through Red -- oh, Red -- who never made it to bed with me, but who triggered the paradigm shift I thought I needed to find a long-term partner. Through Aussie, the sweet actress from Down Under who could have been that long-term partner. And finally, to Mel, sweet Mel, who called me her "best lover ever," and who also could've been that long-term partner, but who too quickly fell victim to my carelessness when I was caught by my wife last November in my illicit activities.

This November 19 will mark one year since my wife discovered that I had been fucking another woman. I am so glad that I had the presence of mind, in that panicked moment, not to confess everything. Doing that would have absolutely meant divorce for us. I'm also glad that, in my mind, I'd prepared for just such a moment for years, and remembered exactly what I needed to say both to stay in our house and fight for my marriage. It was that presence of mind that held up the mirror to DW and reflected back to her the role she played in the breakdown in our marriage that led me to make the choices I'd made (NOTE: let me be clear here that, even though DW does not and will not know the full extent of my sugar activities, there were other circumstances that led to the breakdown in our marriage that were equally important.  Her discovery was a very conveniently timed catalyst). It was that presence of mind that drove me to keep pushing for counseling. And it was that presence of mind that kept me, during counseling, from acquiescing to her anger in order to create a false sense of peace. Had I caved like that, she might never have realized that she needed to dig deep inside herself and explore her own sexuality in order to save our family.  Had I not defended my terms in a masculine way, or had I compromised them, we'd be talking through lawyers instead of to each other.

This week we had our last session with our therapist. As luck would have it, it was also the therapist's last day on the job, as she was about to go on an extended family leave. As we walked into the treatment room, I noticed our two chairs, facing each other as usual. I turned the chairs to face the therapist before sitting down. I began by thanking her for her calm, supportive style and for recognizing how much DW and I really loved each other and wanted things to work out and for helping us fight for it. She was touched and told us how happy it made her to see us exit treatment in a much lighter and happier space than where we were when we entered treatment.  We spent the bulk of the session talking about our feelings about the threesome we had with Rose, how excited we were to do it again with Missy, and how glad we were to have discovered, even at our ages, that there was a lot more learning to do about each other, sexually and otherwise.

As we left the counseling center, DW and I wrapped our arms around each other and kissed briefly. As I pulled back, DW said, "More kissing, with tongue!" I smiled, but resisted, saying, "We'll be home in a few minutes, let's do that then."  We didn't do that, and haven't since, but I'm not worried about that. We've turned the corner, we've conquered a huge beast, and the world feels a lot less stressful today.

To my loyal readers: I had a lot of story to tell in this past year, and I'm very grateful to all of you who have commented, asked me questions, challenged me, and most of all, supported me.  Thank you!  I think life is slowing down now, for good reason, and so, while I'm certainly not done telling my story, I think that the posts will be fewer and further between from this point. I'll certainly post about our encounter with Missy in about 10 days, and will chronicle the decision DW and I make about who will be our regular partner. Beyond that, I'm not sure. But I know that...


Tuesday, October 24, 2017

Sugar Couple Update: a Threesome With my Wife, Part 2

-- continued from previous post --

The massage was slow and sexy. I joined Rose and massaged DW's feet, which DW loves almost more than anything. I checked in with DW repeatedly to see that she was alright with everything Rose was doing, gaining consent every step of the way. When Rose moved to massaging DW's butt, I said, "Babe, there's a woman's hands massaging your booty. Is this OK?" When Rose had DW roll over so she could massage her boobs, I said, "Honey, Rose is massaging your boobs. How ya doin'?" When Rose started massaging her between her legs, I said, "Baby, a woman has her fingers inside your pussy." I didn't ask if that were OK, because DW's physical response gave me the consent I was looking for.  I'd long before ditched my clothes and stroked myself while watching all of this go on. I knelt down next to the table to rub her breasts and suck on her nipples while Rose spread her legs and started going down on her. Again I constantly checked in with her to make sure she was OK with all of it. Her shiny body, beautiful in the dim light, was only matched by the glow on her face as she took everything in. It all felt good, she assured me, as she reached for my dick and stroked it. "I want you to feel good too," she said, trying to put me in her mouth. I resisted, telling her that all of that would happen soon, and for her just to lay back and enjoy being taken care of by Rose and me. Everything, I thought, was going according to plan.

I took Rose's place between DW's legs and went down on her as well, inserting my fingers and rubbing her G-spot. Rose stood aside and stroked DW's body all over, but there still hadn't been a kiss between the two of them. I got DW to the edge of orgasm, but I could tell she was holding back a little. Perhaps she was just a little self-conscious? I decided to let it go and just be loving and accepting of all that was happening.

I stood up and suggested we all move to the bed. I didn't really know it, but the women took that as a signal that it was time to take care of me. Before they did, however, I said, "So, we've been at this an hour and you guys haven't kissed yet. How about we get that out of the way?"  Rose and DW laughed and fell into each other's arms; I was more than satisfied to watch!

Once on the bed, they took turns sucking my cock. While DW isn't particularly skilled at giving head, she did her best, taking cues from Rose's very expert talents.  I came close to climax a couple of times, but stopped them short from taking it too far. "I'm having waaaay too much fun," I said, "let's sloooow things down a bit."  I took Rose in my arms and we kissed while DW stroked me. I kept looking over at DW to make sure that nothing I was doing made her uncomfortable. She just had a look of pure enjoyment on her face, going with the flow like I hadn't seen her before. It was like I was getting to know her again for the first time.  I put a finger inside her and felt how unbelievably wet she was. I thought it was a good time to try to have sex with her. Gently, I whispered in her ear that I wanted to fuck her. She was game for trying!

With a little quiet and a lot of kissing from both Rose and me, I was able to get fully inside DW and move in and out very slowly. After a few minutes of missionary, she wanted me to spoon her so she and Rose could make out while I was inside her.

The twenty or so minutes where DW and had intercourse, for the first time in three years, was the most memorable part of the whole evening for me. What a long journey we've taken, what a struggle, and what a reward! We were both emotional, and after Rose left I was in tears with DW in my arms.

After a good time with DW, I asked her if it was OK if I fucked Rose for a bit. She gladly agreed. Slipping on a condom while Rose lubed herself up with her saliva, I entered her missionary and fucked her hard (condoms!) for a good ten minutes. Rose came twice with me inside her.  I looked over at DW and kissed her, and I could tell that this was the time where things got a little difficult for her. A few things were at play: I was fucking Rose hard, I was kissing her while fucking her, and Rose came while DW hadn't had an orgasm. And because, of course, her husband!  I looked at Rose and asked her what her fave position was, and she said I should take her from behind.  I got behind her and entered her again, while DW opened her legs and let Rose go down on her again. Rose was a little too focused on my cock, so she didn't do all that much to DW, but it was hot for me to watch. Rose also rubbed her pussy while I fucked her. I think DW was still a little tense, so after a few more minutes, I stopped to check in with her. She was doing OK, she said, so I told her I wanted to finish inside her. She said she was a little sore, so both of them took turns stroking me. For some reason I got to the edge but couldn't get off. Taking control of the situation I got myself off while they watched.

We all cleaned up in the shower and chatted a few minutes. I placed the envelope in Rose's bag very discreetly, so much so that DW asked me later if we were going to pay her via PayPal or something. "No babe, I took care of it already before she left." I wished I could have told her that I had become very adept at discreet payment during my nearly nine years of sugar daddying.

We both kissed Rose at the front door and saw her off.

I went into more detail in this post than I had intended. I wanted to focus on the fact that DW and I had had intercourse -- full-on, full penetration -- for the first time in three years. Nothing that happened was as important to me as that. In a way, last night I said goodbye forever to my days as a secret sugar daddy. It may be someday that DW accepts that I want to have sex with other women on my own, but for now, I will take a couple of threesomes a month! Who the fuck wouldn't?!

Sugar Couple Update: A Threesome with My Wife, Part 1

Tonight is the first game of the 2017 World Series. It is the first World Series for the Los Angeles Dodgers in 29 years.  They went through multiple losing seasons, front office shakeups, and multiple failed attempts to advance in the playoffs to get to this place. This season, they won 104 out of 162 games, more than any other team in Major League Baseball. All of the work they have done -- from farming and bringing up new talent, to trading for star talent who can bring experience and coherence to the team, to getting new ownership who actually had the best interests of players and fans alike in mind -- has gotten them to this day. And while it would be great for the Dodgers and their fans if they won the first game decisively on their home field, personally it would be great to see them play an amazing game regardless of the outcome. The most satisfying games, at least for me as a spectator, are those that are hard-fought, close contests where it could go either way from start to finish.

I use this baseball/sports analogy for a very specific reason: it parallels to a great extent the journey DW and I have gone through to get to where we are right now. Since our wedding nearly 20 years ago, we've suffered through three miscarriages before we had two kids, started a business that failed, nearly lost our house, made and lost millions, and seen a gradual deterioration in our sex life to the point where it was nonexistent, which brought us to the brink of divorce nearly a year ago. But yesterday, we entered into a new phase in our marriage and relationship that elevates us to a new and stronger level.

I don't want to create any impression to suggest that having a threesome was the end-all-be-all solution to our issues as a couple, but it served as a major catalyst. We worked really, really hard to get to the place where even talking about doing something like that was possible. In most areas of her life, DW is a strict traditionalist, a woman who believes in the idea that marriage should last forever and couples who marry ought never to stray or consider anything as "weird" or "deviant," or at least as different, as a poly lifestyle. As a student of life and relationships for far longer than I've known DW, and as someone who has been through divorce and the toll it takes on a person, I've long believed that there is no right way to do any of this. It's all trial and error. It's all experimentation and change. Trust and communication create the environment needed to be able to do all of that, and if a marriage is solidly based on trust, than there ought not to be any area where a couple can't explore anything and everything.

But here we are. With our kids busy out of the house till evening, DW and I hosted Rose at our house for what turned into a very memorable threesome. I wouldn't say it was the most memorable sexual experience of my life, but without a doubt I'll remember it forever. Rose arrived a few minutes late, dragging her huge massage table up the steps to our front door. With our dog barking incessantly, we greeted her and exchanged hugs. After a few minutes of chatting on the couch, I suggested we all move into the bedroom.

Our bedroom is huge, with lots of floor space, enough for two massage tables, let alone one. Once it was set up, Rose handed DW a gift, a small vibrator. Very sweet of her to bring a gift for us!  She then told DW to get naked. "I'll get naked too," she said slyly. I helped DW strip to her underwear, giving her a big hug and telling her how proud of her I was for stepping so far out of her comfort zone. Rose stepped out of her shorts and top and took off her bra, revealing a stunning body. DW admired Rose's tattoos, which were small and tasteful. Hmm, I thought, should I consider a small and tasteful one for DW in the future?

DW lay face down on the massage table, covered in the sheets. I learned later that, even though this was going to be a sensual massage, Rose was a licensed therapist and this was the standard way for massages to progress.  Rose got out her massage oil, which was basically scented coconut oil. I sat in a chair or on the bed, fully clothed, as I distracted the dog, who was a little anxious that there were hands on DW's body and a strange person in his territory. A good portion of the evening, in fact, was in calming the dog down because he needs to be close to DW all the time.

-- to be continued --

Monday, October 23, 2017

Sugar Couple Update: Today is Threesome Day

For the first time in her life, my lovely wife will today kiss, and possibly have sex with, a woman. It will also be the first time since we began our relationship nearly 20 years ago that she has had sex with anyone other than me. It will be the first time that we, as a couple, have had a threesome.  As for me, it will be the eighth time in my life that I have had sex with more than one person at the same time.

I told a friend today that I fully expected DW to back out on this at the last minute. My nightmare scenario looks like this: Rose shows up at our house on time, with her massage table. DW and I welcome her and make her feel comfortable, and we chat for a few minutes about what might happen.  I do my best to gain consent from DW at every possible opportunity; I'm treating this like the first time she and I are having sex, which in a way it is. Nothing happens unless she says yes.  We step into the bedroom where Rose sets up her massage table. She starts us off by having us all get naked. DW and I get connected by focusing on our breath and the feelings in our genitals (this won't be hard for me, because I've done this sort of thing before and my cock will be instantly hard anyway). Rose will have DW lie face down on the table and she'll give her a light massage, emphasizing areas that will relax her body. DW tends to carry tension in her feet and shoulders. I'll probably be sitting or standing at DW's head, making eye contact if possible, and trying not to climax watching a naked Rose put her hands on DW's body.

Rose will then have DW roll over and she'll massage more sensually, touching her breasts and then moving down to her pussy. She'll have DW open her legs so Rose can begin the Yoni massage she intends to give.

At this point is where I expect things will start to head downhill. Once DW starts to feel Rose's hands and fingers on or in her pussy, she will go straight into her head, which will throw all levels of doubt into her mind that this is both wrong and not going to work for her. I fully expect her to stop the massage just as the feelings, both in her head and between her legs, are getting really intense. She will apologize and then tell Rose that she just doesn't feel comfortable and doesn't want to go forward.

Should this actually happen, I'll end the session and give Rose her massage fee and send her on her way so that DW and I can talk about it, and with hope, find a workable solution for both of us.

Now, there is a possibility that DW is able to breathe through the massage and focus on her genitals, which is the coaching I know Rose will give her to help her stay out of her head and enjoy herself. I don't know when or if it will happen, but at some point I'll kiss DW and start touching her too, and that will be a signal for Rose to join in. From there, my mind is blank on what could happen, which for me is a good thing.

My hope is that Rose has DW join her in sucking my cock and DW participates fully while I'm inside Rose. I also hope Rose and I can both go down on DW and give her an orgasm. If we get this far, I will consider the evening a total success.

I texted DW this morning and told her how excited I was about tonight and asked how she was feeling. She also said she was excited, so even though I have no idea what will happen, I'm hoping for the best and expecting the worst.  It's the only way I can feel sane about it.

Tuesday, October 17, 2017

Sugar Couple Diary: A Sexual Awakening Begins

Our meet with Toni didn't happen, unfortunately. She had texted me earlier in the day that she'd be up to thirty minutes late, but could be on time depending on traffic and other things. She was packing her bags to fly to Hong Kong later that night and our meet was on the way to the airport. No doubt she'd be using a car service. Did she request that we pay for it? Unlike RJ, no, she was a big girl and took responsibility for her own transportation.  However, five minutes before our scheduled meeting time, she texted me that she was about to leave her place, which would put her 45 minutes late and give us only 20 minutes to chat.  After a few messages, we agreed to postpone.  She apologized and said she felt bad about flaking, but I told her that "not showing up and then ghosting would be flaking. You did your best to get here, but things happen. Safe travels and we'll talk when you get back in town."  She thanked me and said she looked forward to that, but in my mind, and very likely in DW's mind, Toni had just disqualified herself.  It wasn't because she failed to show up to our meeting. She very responsibly communicated her situation and it was perfectly understandable that she might have to miss it.

No, Toni just happened to miss our meeting precisely after DW and I had met with Missy. After that meeting, DW and I just wanted to end our search.

Now, you all know my less-than-stellar history with Asian women. No? Check out this post, and this post, and don't forget my horrible experiences with Jade over the past four years, even though it began so well. (Note: in re-reading that post about my first Jade experience, I see that the signs of her dishonesty were already there, as I smelled cigarette smoke, but she lied and said it was pot. Like I couldn't tell the difference!)  But I digress. I think Missy could effectively erase all of that!

DW and I arrived at the meeting place about fifteen minutes early.  I called Missy and gave her the low down on where to park to be close.  Missy showed up about fifteen minutes late, which was understandable given the hour.  We had just about 30 minutes or so to meet with her, so I quickly ordered her a glass of red wine. Had either of us known that Toni could not show up, DW and I would have asked her to stay and join us for dinner. She was so wonderful.

Missy is Korean, with pale skin, very long and dark hair, slender and busty, with very nice natural tits, and a huge toothy smile. She was stunningly beautiful.  She is fully Americanized, born and raised in California. She has worked as a teacher, most recently at a private school which she very much enjoyed, for more than 10 years.  Being in her mid to late 30s, she has a level of life experience that really resonated with us during our meeting, and it made connecting much easier. Because DW works with kids as well, they had a great deal to talk about. In fact, DW seemed far more at ease with Missy than with Rose, but I attributed that to having gotten over her nervousness with Rose, and because we already had Rose as a solid option. Missy was seen as a backup option, so it was easy to relax.

What we learned about Missy was that she considered herself bi-curious, had had sex with women multiple times, but hadn't been in a threesome before. She said she was very open to doing that and was as motivated by the opportunity to explore her sexuality as she was by the financial support we were providing.  Again, I attribute that to her age and maturity. Younger women just seemed to see dollar signs, and were not mature enough to realize that they were not mature enough. Not only did Missy acknowledge that she had a lot to learn but she was unashamed to admit it.

She was literally hitting all the right notes. I frequently looked over at DW, who was smiling more than I expected. Missy was really winning DW over! 

The conversation didn't get overtly sexual, but at one point Missy said to DW, "I really can't wait to kiss you." DW didn't say anything in response, but I suspected she liked hearing that, as she had repeatedly said during the conversation that she was really excited to get started and learn something new about herself. I felt so grateful that DW had taken to this journey so willingly. I had a feeling that this would be a lot of fun.

About fifteen minutes ahead of our scheduled time with Toni, I told Missy we had to end the date, but that we really wanted to keep things going and would reach out to her very soon about where things stood.  She was gracious, and friendly, and humble, which just made her all the more attractive to me. And, as it turned out, to DW!  We got up and hugged each other. I looked for DW to lean in for a kiss, but that didn't happen. I didn't kiss her either, but would have had DW done so.

We were both a little high from that experience, and just a few steps from our second meeting place, when I looked at my phone and saw that Toni would be much later than expected. We called off the meeting and DW and I, with time to kill, decided to go into the restaurant anyway and grab some dinner.

After the server had taken our orders, DW leaned in and said, "When Missy said she really wanted to kiss me, I wanted her to." "Why didn't you?" I asked. DW said that she had started to "lean in" for a kiss, but changed her mind at the last second. "Aww," I said, "that would have been hot to see!"

Now, what she said next was one of those things I'll remember forever.  As it had been nearly ten years ago, when DW had unwittingly started me on my Sugar Daddy journey by saying something that I will never forget:
... I'd just heard DW tell me she was no longer interested in sex.  Not being the type to engage in an argument with her, I took a second and then asked, "Well, what would you like me to do with that information?"  Another sigh, then: "I know you've been unhappy for a long time.  Maybe you could just find a girl to have sex with."


DW grinned, like an embarrassed little girl, leaned in to me, and said, "I dunno, I think I may be bisexual." I just smiled and said, "That's awesome, baby."

"Is that OK? Is that bad? Are you OK with that?" she asked. "I'm really attracted to her."

"Sweetie," I said, "that's the sort of self-discovery that you can only be happy about. I'm so proud of you for looking inside yourself and being present enough to recognize what's happening with your body."

We discussed Rose vs. Missy.  Missy vs. Rose. "Y'know," DW said, "is it OK if maybe we get together with both of them?"

Are you. Fucking. Kidding me?!

"Yeah, that could work."

So we're going to get together with both of them before we decide on one (or not!).

That night DW was a lot more affectionate with me than she had been in the past several weeks, stroking my hair, holding my hand, kissing my cheek. She's still on her period so we didn't have sex, but I think I've been building a lot of sex equity over the past few days and I think she's ready to explode.  This morning, while she was in a meeting at work, I texted her that the strawberries she'd cut for my breakfast were so sweet, and that there were some left. "Maybe I take the rest of them and rub them all over your..."

"Shhh," she replied, "I'm with children now," along with a winking emoji.

I will go down on her tonight and make her cum!

UPDATE: Missy accepted an intimate date with us for three weeks from now. Torture, I tell ya.

Monday, October 16, 2017

Sugar Couple Diary: Meet and Greet Previews

Tonight DW and I will meet two women as potential partners in our Sugar Couple journey:

Toni, who I profiled in my last post, is a late-20s, very tall brunette with blue eyes who lives about 45 minutes away. I first saw her pictures on Tinder, where she also included her Instagram ID. Sending her Direct Messages on IG proved to be very successful in reaching her. She has some very stylized photos of herself on IG, mostly featuring her lovely face with a bunch of Snapchat filters on them. I swear, the filters are so popular on the Sugar Daddy website that I almost want to ignore every one of them. Who can get a clear view of a woman's face with a bunch of bunny noses, puppy noses, or fake eyeglasses?  (OK, old man rant over!) In any event, she identified herself on IG as a "public figure" in the world of fashion, and included a link to her website. I visited the site to see if there'd be any normal pictures of her, and she's still damn cute, but she is a big girl. Physically, she reminds me of KC, who I saw about a year and a half ago right after my failure with Red. Later she posted a normal, full length pic of herself on IG, wearing a form fitting black dress that really accentuated her curvy body. She had a belly, but so what, I do too, and so does DW. Not a turn off, especially when the boobs are as luscious as hers. She will be the second of our two meets, which will happen one after the other. The first meet will be with --

Missy -- a mid-30s Asian woman whose pictures on the Sugar website show both fire and wholesomeness. She's got long dark hair, and lovely face and smile, and a body that knocks me out. "Well," said DW when I showed her the profile, "you wanted someone Asian, and she's certainly pretty." Missy is bi-curious and has had sex with women before, but prefers sex with men. Lucky me!  She seems open and nice, and works with kids like DW, so there will be stuff to talk about.

I set these two back-to-back meets in different locations about a block away from each other. We'll meet Missy for wine at one place, then walk on over to the other place for cocktails and appetizers with Toni.

Whom do I prefer? Definitely Missy, who's petite and Asian, but Toni seems a bit more open-minded and playful, which like as well. Her being taller than I am doesn't bother me. Wanda was the same height.  But it might bother DW. "Still," I told her the other night, "we're all the same height in bed, right?  At the end of the day, however, I think we'll end up with Rose.

So, I then had to handle all the others except Rose. Pettit is still on hold until next month, as is Taylor. Tika is pretty much out since I'm just not excited about her personality so far. Lani never responded to my reach-out, so she's out. There were a couple of others, but no one who wowed me or DW.

This morning, DW reached over and started stroking my dick. While she did that, I asked her what excited her about being with Rose next week. She said she didn't know, but I pressed further. "Do you want to touch her anywhere?" "Her boobs," she said, "she has nice boobs." That was true, as Rose had texted us a full-length nude selfie over the weekend. "I want a flat stomach like that," my wife said. "Me too, and we'll have it next week," I joked.  I asked her if she envisioned herself lying back against me, her legs open, while Rose massaged her pussy and I kissed her neck and stroked her breasts. She liked that! I almost came just envisioning it myself! I got hard just typing this! (I'm seriously in need of sex, man, and I'd like to have it this week. Any hot women reading this in SoCal should message me here...help a guy out!)

More tomorrow after the meets.

Tuesday, October 10, 2017

Sugar Couple Reality: People Mostly Suck

Since last Friday's post, I've spent the better part of a three-day weekend looking at ads and checking out new girls for DW and I to fuck. In fact, DW is now at the point where she really wants to do it soon.  We've watched another threesome video, an episode of Tripl3 Play, which was more hardcore than the Toyride episode.  She just wanted to skip most of the video and get to the sex. Not all of it, however. "I like watching how they end up deciding to hook up," she said. She wasn't knocked out by the fake tits on the girl they chose, but it was a hot scene, which involved the married couple mostly fucking each other while the third got taken care of at the end.

Early the next morning, while DW was at the gym, I was on Tinder, and came across one woman I thought was smoking hot. One thing I've noticed on a lot of these Tinder profiles is that some of the women include their Instagram handles. After getting only one swipe right after six days of this, I decided that if these women were going to include their IG handles, then I was going to send them DMs and try to get their attention. So I sent this one woman, whom I'll call Toni, an Instagram message. "Of course I swiped right," I wrote. I got a big red heart in reply, so I pressed on: "What, if anything, are you seeking on Tinder?" "Nothing in particular," Toni replied, five hours later, "but I'm always keeping an eye out for Mr. Right. In the meantime love meeting new peeps, you never know! Or a sugar daddy, of course, cuz why the hell not? Kidding, haha. Thanks for reaching out."

Like I was gonna let that go without a reply. HA!

"Actually, I am a sugar daddy. I'm in a poly relationship and my wife and we do this together. No kidding." I sent a picture of us together to emphasize.

"What luck," she said. I gave her my number to see if she'd text me offline.  She then asked where we lived and whether DW was "all in, as I would never intrude."  When I told her DW was all in, I got another big red heart.

So began a conversation that has lasted three days, culminating in an agreement that this beautiful, tall (5'11"), late 20s brunette with the big blue eyes will be meeting DW and me next week for drinks.

A new WCSD Journal first!

I tried this one other time Sunday night with another Tinder woman, but it didn't go so well. It was about 2 am when I couldn't sleep. She took the bait and we had a 30 minute conversation, but I left off the sugar daddy part (she didn't bring anything like that up, and if I could find a partner on Tinder who didn't want any allowance, perfect!). She was skeptical from the get-go, and actually called bullshit on me. She'd sent me a connect request, but I didn't immediately see it (it was 2 a.m. for fuck's sake), and from that I think she doubted I was telling the truth. But I did let her connect with me once I saw it, and that allowed things to go on for a little while longer. At one point, however, she just threw up her hands and suggested that if I wanted a threesome it would have been better for DW to initiate it to make it more credible, otherwise I'm just some married guy lurking on strangers' IGs at 3 am. It didn't help that I said DW didn't have IG (who doesn't?) and that if she did connect with her it would be through my own IG.  I knew how it looked to her, and she was wrong about everything, but it sure looked creepy to her. I apologized and disconnected from her immediately.

There were a few more which I'll list here. All of these women are good to go with DW:
  • Rose: I've written about her before, and nothing's changed.
  • Taylor: very cute early 30s brunette, very slim. She has two kids, both of whom live with their father out of state (I avoided discussing that drama like the plague).
  • Tika: A half-Indian, half anglo, mid-20s, very sexy. Caught up to me while I was in the car with one of my kids. DW is reluctant due to her age and the fact that her pics make her look like a Kardashian, but she said yes.
  • Lani -- average looking blonde, mid-30s, with a very long nose and long face. I'm not knocked out by her, but DW liked the fact that she seemed real and natural. I gave her the details on getting together, but she never responded, and I think she'll be out.
  • Pettit -- see last post.

Postscript: You might recall posts where I was sure that Jade was going to become our partner. However, it didn't happen because Jade had to return to New York. That was more than two weeks ago. I put Jade out of my mind and started seriously working on Rose and others. Last week, however, I got a text: "Guess who's back in town?" Jade had resolved whatever issue had forced her to go to NY, and now she wanted to hook up with DW and me.  Now, my better judgment told me to keep that woman at arm's length, but I permitted some contact. I told her that we'd already talked to two women (Rose and RJ) whom we really liked, but if she wanted to be the one, she had to put a profile up on the Sugar Daddy website so we could find her and start a dialogue. I even gave her instructions on how to create the perfect profile that would wow DW.  You might have read that I'm somewhat of an expert on a great profile.  She enthusiastically said she would do it, telling me it was urgent because she really needed the money.  True to her character, however (or lack thereof), it took her until last Friday to get it done, and when I finally got the chance to look at it over this past weekend, it had exactly none of the things I said would work to attract DW's attention. She also lied about her age. Not a mortal sin (except for DW, who hates lying), but she also posted pictures of herself that appeared to show her even younger than her posted age. I thought she looked to be about 21 in her pictures. That would be a more than ten-year lie about her age.  There was no tattoo where I knew one would be, her eyebrows looked different, her lips, and her hair, all looked young. Finally, she said this would be a new profile, but the website showed that the profile had been up for at least a month prior to my asking her to put one up. So, again, she lied. My guess was that she was too lazy to make the changes I suggested and figured that she could use it for someone else in case we didn't connect. Fair enough, I thought, and I texted her to make the changes I suggested and I'd let her know when DW saw it so she could change it back. She promised she'd have it done by the next day.

The next day came and went with no updates to the profile. I sent her a text midday to find out what was going on. I was not happy and I had almost no patience left, but I was willing to give her another chance (like an idiot). She said, "Dude, I'm camping with friends. It's the weekend. Go enjoy your family." That was it. I was done, and I told her so.

"I knew you'd blow this too. Constant disappointment."

In reply came a picture of the desert scene outside the car window, along with a hand-waving emoji.

"'I'm broke as fuck,' you told me. 'I need this badly,' you said. I even gave you a way to do this so you'd WIN, but you went your own way, and you lost. Enjoy being out in that wasteland. Suits you."

"Ok," she wrote, "you obviously don't respect my time."

"You didn't respect my efforts to help you, and you again lied to me. Love ya, but you and I will never, ever work."

"Lie to you, or procrastinate?" she replied. "Listen I'm on a fucking camping trip on 'shrooms. You're ruining my weekend. We can talk tomorrow, regular human hours. Or not. I didn't mean to make you upset. I'm fucking tripping balls bro!"

She just couldn't help herself.  I laughed out loud. "Don't bother. You think I'm going to let a lying, irresponsible, drug-taking mess near the most precious person in my world? Into my home? You really are tripping balls, bro."

Yesterday I got a notice from the website that she'd viewed my profile.  I should have blocked her, but nothing came of it.

This morning, after having time to cool down, I permanently closed the door on an arrangement, but without being nasty and without saying never. Because how often has she come back into my life now?
"I hope you enjoyed your 'trip.' So I just want to be clear. If this were just me, I could handle being in an arrangement with you. But when my wife and I sat down and discussed the qualities we wanted in a partner, the top three were emotional stability, kindness, and financial stability. To us, this was the bare minimum we required to allow someone into our lives and our home. Unfortunately, you have none of these qualities, and the other women we've met have all of them. I've known this about you all along. I blame myself for not trusting my gut and considering you anyway. This is my fault. While this is very likely goodbye, I'm not throwing away your number, because you never know."


Onward.

Friday, October 6, 2017

Sugar Coupling -- Starting to Normalize

Since the last post where I related the input of our therapist in the ongoing drive toward Open Marriage, my DW and I have remained focused on finding someone suitable. You might recall that we have three potential parters: Rose, RJ, and Pettit. Since that post, the traffic into our email inbox has been incredible, and other potentials have surfaced.  All have some appeal to me, and some to DW, but so far none has matched Rose for overall compatibility.

We could not connect with RJ, either in person or via FaceTime, as she is out of town caring for her mother who is recovering from a medical issue. We were scheduled for a FaceTime call last night, but RJ postponed it again due to privacy issues at her mother's house. We suspected she would do that, and so DW and I crafted a response. We said that we really liked her but that logistically this was not working out for us, and that she should for now focus on caring for her mother. We invited her to reach out to us once she returned, and we'd see if we could meet up.  RJ replied with a simple, "Yeah, OK thanks." I sort of wrote it off at that point. However, while out walking the dog I decided to give it one last try, and I sent a text telling her that, while it was probably a long shot, DW and I could be available for a FaceTime in about 30 minutes. RJ replied immediately, saying that she was not available but that she could take a phone call now. Even though I was not with DW, I decided to call her. She picked up right away, and was out in her neighborhood heading to an evening out with a friend. This was her first evening out since she began caring for her mother more than a week ago.  We talked for about 10 minutes or so, and I found her as engaging on the phone as I thought she was via text. This was a good sign, but I didn't push for anything. She said she'd be back in town early next week, but then was heading back out a few days later on a work assignment. We talked about her work, which I found fascinating. She's turning it into a vacation with her boyfriend, and she expects the two of them to be hooking up with others at least once while they're gone. She has a very healthy attitude about sex, and I think DW would like her a lot. The only thing I didn't like was her insistence that we pay for car service to and from her place and our place, explaining that she saw it as a minimal thing we should be doing as part of the arrangement. I didn't tell her that DW had already ruled RJ out if she insisted on car service every time, as she figured the arrangement money was enough for her to cover the expense of getting to and from our dates. I tend to agree, and I think that sugar babies who ask for "gas money" or car service all the time are less desirable than those with their own transportation. If we were going to meet for dinner and/or drinks and she expected to drink, I would absolutely pay for car service.  It's a minor expense, after all.  But for her to expect it as part of "sugar" etiquette rubs me the wrong way. It's a sense of entitlement that I find unappealing in Sugar Babies.  Honestly I would feel better about negotiating a higher allowance than shelling out dough for car service, or parking at hotels or restaurants, or even shopping for condoms.

When I got home, I was still on the phone with her, and I was going to try to get DW on the phone, but she was neck-deep in some stuff with the kids, so I had to end the call. DW was a bit upset that I had the call at all, but when I told her that RJ had insisted on car service for every date, she let it go. So RJ is most definitely OUT.

Pettit and I haven't spoken for a week, but she's still in the running. I'll probably contact her this weekend to set up a meet after we have our date with Rose.

Rose will be coming to our house in two weeks for our first encounter. Rose offered simply to charge us her massage rate, which is far less than an allowance, but I'm going to have a full allowance just in case things get really heated (and I hope they do). At my request she'll be bringing all her toys, massage table, and other erotic stuff, to loosen DW up and put her at ease. "Let's both make her cum," I suggested.

Having DW at ease is extremely important here. The better she feels about this, the more likely this arrangement is not only going to happen, but also going to continue happening. I have been suggesting that, as a way to get a small idea of what a threesome might be like, we watch a video of a couple engaging in a threesome with another woman. Playboy TV has a couple of series, one called Tripl3 Play and one called Toyride, that feature couples hooking up with single women, either via online meetings or from previous friendships.  We watched an episode of Toyride, about a married couple in an open relationship who goes around the country for Playboy to "research" adult toys and accessories. Every 25 minute episode features them having sex either with another couple or with another woman (haven't seen a male-male-female threesome yet). The couple are attractive but not porn-star hot. She's thin and bubbly, but not that above average.  He's definitely average-looking.  But they're cute together. In the episode we watched, they hooked up with a woman. The cameras maintain a respectable distance, but DW could definitely see penetration and oral sex happening. There's always a point of showing condoms too. She liked it, and for a second I thought I saw her touching herself under the covers.  I was above the covers and got hard watching the sex, but nothing ensued afterward (it was a good thing, as one of the kids knocked on our door and came in to complain of having trouble getting to sleep!).  We'll watch more of these shows, for sure, and I may suggest something a bit more hardcore after we fuck Rose.

The others have been very uneven, from little young girls wanting immediate sex to older (late 30s) unicorns who were probably a little too forward for DW (and wanted to fuck only me right away). So far, no one has really stood out except one, named Becks. She's a Brit with Asian heritage, huge dimples, and a very sexy slender body. Her job has her travelling a lot, so I don't know if it'd be a fit for us, but she's at least got a car.  We're holding off for now until she's back in town.

For now, DW and I are happy to play with each other and get excited to see Rose in two weeks.

Thursday, September 28, 2017

Open Marriage Update: The Therapist Weighs In, and a Boundary is Discovered

It had been two weeks since DW and I had seen our therapist. During that time, we discussed winding down our treatment, as the therapist was completing her practicum and would be leaving that counseling center in a few weeks. In fact, DW suggested we just stop altogether, using the idea of our now semi-open, poly-lite marriage as a substitute. I kept cautioning her that we hadn't been with anyone yet, and feelings were going to come up in that process, so it would be best to hang onto the therapist, at least for a little while.

Predictably, the subject of the money came up during our discussion of meeting with Rose. I had thought about bringing it up ahead of time that I wanted to avoid discussing the financial aspect of the arrangement with the therapist, but I knew that DW had strong feelings about it, and feelings are something we discuss with our therapist, so I just shut my mouth and decided to go with the flow.

We recounted how we had gone home after the last session and talked some more about it and decided to get started right away. The therapist took all of this in, and when DW started talking about her feelings, that she was struggling to wrap her head around how an arrangement is not prostitution, the therapist was given a chance to weigh in. Everyone who reads this blog knows how I feel about this, and I wrote about it in detail years ago.  But DW has what I call an old-school attitude about prostitution, that there's a stigma attached to it that is 100% negative. I disagree, and I brought this up in session. "There are plenty of women who don't view sex work as a negative, or maybe the only choice they have to make a living. But they've figured out how to monetize their own sexuality -- not just their bodies, but their whole approach to sex -- in a positive way.  I've read a lot about this over the years. It empowers them and helps them finance their future. Could be a porn star, could be an escort, or it could be a woman in the sugar lifestyle like Rose. She's a homeowner, she has a business, she has bills to pay, and she's able to use her sexuality, which we can all agree is pretty expansive if her story's true, to accomplish goals. When they get their financial needs they can focus on a building a business, or getting an education, or just living some lifestyle they aspire to where they can meet rich people and up their own games. I don't see that as a negative."  I don't think I convinced either of them, but it really doesn't matter. We talked about going the swinger route, either online or at a club, but the odds of finding someone were just too long.  The therapist got that part, and said something very insightful: "So there's definitely a convenience factor that you're weighing here." "Exactly," I said, "the financial exchange isn't just about paying for sex. If I had a girlfriend or someone I was dating, there's no assurance that she's going to sleep with me no matter how much money I spend. I have to be charming and 'a catch' 100% of the time to convince her that I'm worth having sex with. With a woman like Rose, all that dance goes away. It's a sure thing that we're going to have sex, so long as there's an attraction and some measure of chemistry."  I explained that the sugar website was created to give people who want companionship on both sides an opportunity to meet without much of the game-playing that goes on in the regular dating world. For the man, the financial investment is a way of bypassing seduction and games to cut to the chase of wanting to have sex with or spend time with, someone cute and sexy, and for the woman, it's a way to have the benefits of having a rich boyfriend without the messiness of discussing commitments. 

I then got my phone and pulled up the website to show her. I showed her how the profiles look no different than something on Match or OKCupid. She understood. The problem, I now see, is that DW hasn't gone onto the website to look since I showed her on day one. I made a mental note to myself to make sure she goes back on and reads lots and lots of profiles.

We ended the session on a much firmer footing than before, and DW is excited to get started and to discover stuff about herself. I suggested that our first session with whomever we pick focuses on her comfort level before taking care of me. "I'll have a good time regardless," I said, "so let's make sure a) you feel safe, and b) you feel you're #1. If you're uncomfortable, you only have to say 'time out' and we can stop everything."  In reality, however, I think she just needs to push through her discomfort and go with the flow. It's going to take more talking, and I think it's going to take some explicit sex talk. I want to start by watching some threesome porn (not the hardcore kind, but perhaps the Playboy TV kind that, while explicit, doesn't feature tons of close-ups) to get the dialogue started.

We had some errands to run after the session, and we discussed meeting with RJ before deciding on Rose. RJ had a transportation issue, and asked me to send her a car to take her to and from our first meeting. DW is fine with this on occasion, but if it's going to be something that is needed every time, then it's simply not convenient for us, especially when there's an option that doesn't require it. She believes, and I agree, that RJ would have to be really, really special to warrant the additional investment in transportation.  DW wanted me to tell this to RJ before we met, but I suggested that it would be better to ask that question face to face rather than via text. "She may prove to be really cool when we meet," I said, "and it may not be a problem at that point. Can you be open to that possibility?"  DW agreed to hold off.

Finally, a new girl has emerged. Pettit is a South American beauty in her early thirties with long, dark hair, a curvy figure, and really sensuous lips. She lives close to where Rose lives and has a car. She's an aspiring actress and is in school studying theater. She has an accent, she said, and is trying to lose it to get work. But her English is exceptional.

I showed DW Pettit's profile, picture, and the text messages she sent (though I deleted a few where I knew I was being overly flirty, like when I asked her to send nude pics). DW didn't like the profile, particularly where Pettit wrote about wanting to be spoiled. "She's already agreed to the same arrangement terms as Rose and RJ have," I assured her. "We're not going to take her shopping or on vacation with us." When she got to the text messages, she noticed one message where I called her "cutie." This really rubbed DW the wrong way.  "You aren't in a relationship with this girl, so it bothers me that you're already calling her 'cutie.'" I raised my hands in surrender, trying to make light of it, and said, "OK, no problem, cutie." That didn't go over too well. "I think you've found one of my boundaries," DW said sharply. "I don't want you flirting with anyone until we've at least met them." "Done," I said, "understood. Other than that, do you want to meet her?" 

"Sure."

I sent Pettit a note telling her we wanted to meet her, but that it would be a few weeks. We'd already agreed that there was no rush, so she was fine with this and said she looked forward to it.

I have to keep reminding myself that this entire enterprise will be riddled with land mines. I must watch my step!

RIP Hugh Hefner. Thank you for fighting tirelessly to loosen Americans up about sexuality. You're one of my heroes.

Tuesday, September 26, 2017

Meeting Rose: Wedding Nights, Yoni Massage, and Going with the Flow, Part II


Continued from previous post.

The talk ventured over into how she began sugaring. She revealed that she'd been married at a very young age, and when that ended, she needed funds to buy furniture and move into a new place. Her first marriage had been open, and she said she'd even had a threesome on her wedding night! (At that I shot a glance over at DW, who had this indescribable smile on her face, masking what I thought was a combination of shock and "gulp, what am I doing here?")  At first she thought she could use the site to find massage clients, but it morphed, obviously, into a casual sex thing. "I went on the site, on and off, for like a few years," she said. She then got engaged to a woman, but that broke off, and then had a monogamous relationship with a man that she found completely limiting, so she ended it. Now, she lives with a man in a relationship that has been "fully open from the start." I remembered a lot of this stuff from last year, but I still got to learn a few new things and watch DW's reaction. I followed her lead so that it looked to DW like I was just as surprised as she was, but I shot a wink at Rose at one point so that she knew I was just playing along.   She also told us a story about a recent experience she had with another married couple. They were friends of hers, and the woman was six months pregnant and was feeling horribly tense. Rose brought a female friend (I wondered if it were CJ) and they all took care of this woman and helped have several deep orgasms.

At that point, my lovely wife began to loosen up and talk about what she hoped to get out of the arrangement. God, I love her so much that she's being so willing and open!  I give DW lots of credit, but most of the credit goes to Rose, who was just so reassuring throughout the "date" that I knew DW was feeling at ease. One suggestion that Rose made for our first time together made a lot of sense to me. "I could bring my table, and I could give you a massage." DW revealed that she used to get a lot of massages when she was young, and liked a light touch rather than a deep tissue job. "I can do that," Rose said, "and I also do this thing called a Yoni massage." Yoni is the Sanskrit word for vagina which in Tantra is a sacred part of a woman's body. The massage is not to bring DW to orgasm, although that could happen, but to help her relax and bring previously-suppressed feelings to the surface. It's a process of creating deep intimacy between partners, and I really would love to see DW develop trust for someone other than me when it comes to sexuality.  This, to me, would make the entire threesome journey far more pleasurable and fun for all of us. 

Finally, Rose was very clear with us that she is not going to be a stickler for how many times a month we can get together under the terms of the arrangement. "I just go with the flow, whatever works, even if you want to stop and not see me again, it's totally fine," she said. I wondered why I didn't just dump Mel and continue with Rose. She was so much more my type! 

We finished up with talking about logistics. Since Rose has a roommate she can't have us over to her house. DW suggested our house, which sort of surprised me as this wasn't something we'd discussed. "Makes sense that, if we only have a couple of hours to do this that we don't spend half an hour driving to some hotel that we'd have to pay for. Just seems logical to me." So long as Rose leaves before the kids come home from their activities I'm totally fine with it. 

After about an hour together, we said our goodbyes. Once in the car, DW told me how much she liked Rose, but also wanted to give RJ a chance after she returned from out of town.  She is very excited to begin doing this. I had hopes that we'd do a little playing after the kids went to bed, and I even suggested watching a little threesome porn together, but even though she said yes, she collapsed at 10 pm and slept until morning.  She started giving me a hand job, but I wanted to fuck and there wasn't enough time. She had to start her morning. "Well, ok," I said, "you can give my cock a kiss before you go."  

"OK, I'll kiss your cock," she replied before taking the head in her mouth for a second. That was the first time, in literally years, that I heard DW say the word "cock" in a playfully sexual way. Changes are definitely happening.

Meeting Rose: Wedding Nights, Yoni Massage, and Going With the Flow, Part I

Arrived home yesterday to find the house empty, as DW was shuttling the kids to their evening activities. Mondays have now become our regular date night, and I eagerly anticipated this particular date night because we'd be meeting with Rose. It still feels completely surreal that DW and I are exploring a threesome after all these years of completely broken down sexual relations, but we've done a lot of work on our marriage over the past ten months and our communication and intimacy have dramatically improved since the summer.

When DW got home she told me she hadn't found the time to feed the kids, so we'd be having a late dinner with them after our date.  We got the kitchen ready, freshened up (DW even brushed her teeth and reapplied her makeup -- "It's a date, Porter, gotta look nice for a date!") and headed out the door. The Starbucks was just 20 minutes away in rush hour traffic, so the drive gave us time to catch up.

The night before, I'd had dinner with my buddy and confidant, Luke, and I caught him up on what had developed since our last conversation about three months ago. He was, understandably, both amazed and concerned, but without a hint of judgment, that DW and I might not be on as solid a foundation as I thought we were, and he urged me to be cautious and considerate.  One of the things he suggested was to discuss boundaries.  This was something that had been on my mind, and I had asked DW about what would be OK or not OK in bed with either RJ or Rose. She just didn't know, and hadn't really thought of it. But Luke's twist on it was to have me ask DW about those bedroom activities she would prefer remained exclusively for us.  For example, perhaps DW would not want me to kiss these women on the lips. I liked that approach better, and on the drive to meet Rose, I asked her that question. She was caught slightly off guard. "Honestly, I don't think I've ever really thought about that," she said.

"You don't have to answer now," I said, "just give it some thought to see if there's something you'd like to reserve for just the two of us."

"I don't know," she said, her delivery slowing a bit as she chewed on the thought. "Maybe oral, I guess? Because that's, like, the only way I can have an orgasm?"

You can imagine the panicked thoughts that coursed through my brain at that moment! Whaddya mean, no oral?! But, keeping my composure, I repeated back to her, "So, you would want me not to go down on the other woman because oral is the only way you can come?"

Realizing that her idea was not quite sensible, she said she was just thinking out loud. Just to make sure she realized that such an idea was actually quite absurd, I asked another question. "So, what would you object to if I went down on both of you? That she might also have an orgasm?"

"Well," she said, "we're doing this because you want penetration and I can't give that to you, so maybe you just have intercourse with her."

"So, what she might want is not important to you?"

"I know, I know, it sounds kind of stupid," she admitted. "I'll think about it a little. It may be nothing at all, actually."

We got to the Starbucks on time but didn't find Rose there, though she'd texted me that she'd gotten there early. A quick text and we found each other.  Rose wore a grayish top over white shorts and flip flops, much more casual than either DW or me. I couldn't help but think the wardrobe differences were generational! In any event, she looked as cute as I remembered her from last year, though perhaps a bit thinner, which was fine by me!  She walked over to DW and gave her a hug, and then gave me one. A very good move, I thought, to break the ice right away and make this about friendship rather than something quasi-business-y and semi-awkward.  I opened the door and let them both in.

We found an actual table for four in a Starbucks at 6 pm, which I found astonishing. I wasn't going to order anything, but I got the girls' orders and went to the counter to place them. This was a deliberate move on my part, to get DW to start talking to Rose right away without me there. I don't want to characterize DW as too shy to have a casual conversation, but with me there I knew she'd lean on me to start the conversation.

Once back at the table we made some small talk. We learned that Rose was a homeowner, having bought her first house with her mother's help about six years ago, when she was in her mid-20s. I was mighty impressed, as she was the only other woman I'd met in sugar world who owned property, the other one being Dale. She left her job of five years just over a month ago to focus exclusively on her business, and was able to make enough money to pay her bills and pay for the house.  Her boyfriend and a roommate also shared the house expenses, so it was bearable.  Still, very impressive!

-- to be continued...

Friday, September 22, 2017

The Heat is Turning UP

Since I posted our profile on the sugar daddy website nine days ago, we've been viewed 130 times, been favorited nearly 40 times, and received messages from dozens of different young women. And now, we're down to two POTs in whom DW and I are interested.
  • Rose: readers know a lot about her. At the moment, we're scheduled to meet her for drinks after work on Monday. As I type this blog post, she and I are exchanging "behind the scenes" text messages so that she's informed about DW's journey before DW shares it. I want Rose, with her background as a healer, to be able to coax out of DW some of the pain and other stuff she's been keeping inside. Already Rose has identified one possible area I don't think DW has explored, and perhaps in time we'll introduce that, if Rose becomes our partner. So far, I'm thinking she's a better fit for us than...
  • RJ: I'm running out of names here, there've been so many!! Anyway, RJ is a late-20s brunette in the entertainment business and who lives on the other side of town from us.  She's got really sexy, long curly hair, blue eyes, and is very slim and petite (like DW). She identifies as "queer," which essentially means that she can be any one of the previous letters L, G, B, or T, or all of them, and not being 100% sure is OK. She's had sex with mostly men, and just one woman, but she loved that experience so much she considers herself at least potentially bisexual. She's in a committed but open relationship with a man at the moment. From the texts we have shared, I consider her to be very trustworthy, so much so that I showed the entire thread to DW last night to get her buy-in to set up a meeting with her. What I really like about RJ is her sexual attitude, which I consider to be a bit bolder than Rose, but that is just a first impression (and I haven't fucked RJ like I have Rose). RJ offered to send me pics of her "partner" so that we'd consider a couple swap, but until DW is able to have intercourse and has upped her oral game, I'm leaving couple swaps off the table. Besides I think it's still too big of a step for DW right now.  I haven't shared with RJ the details of our marriage the way I have with Rose, either, because I'm not really there on trust with her yet. But boy, is she cute.
I've told the other POTs that we've settled on two already and wished them luck.

I told DW that we'd find a suitable partner within a week, and we've found two suitable partners in less than 10 days. I know my shit!

DW is still wrestling with the financial aspect of it. Today I suggested that she go onto the website and read a whole bunch of profiles to see how these women are presenting themselves, from their pictures to their bios and wants.  There is sure to be a number of profiles that are lame and/or overtly focused on money, but those are the ones I've ignored anyway as being too much like escorting. I also suggested she then check our professional escort websites to see the difference. She declined that but I'm not letting her off the hook because she needs to see the difference based on facts.  Plus, I think once she meets these two women she'll have a different outlook. I told her to be careful of asking the question about prostitution because she'd likely offend one of them, especially if they don't consider themselves escorts.

Finally, to give her a clue as to the value of the swingers websites, today I created a profile on one of the biggest such websites, and found that there were a grand total of eight bisexual women looking for couples of any kind within 50 miles of our home.  Of those, three were women over 40, which is out for me, and two of them wanted an allowance.  To have only five choices rather than more than 100 will greatly enhance the credibility of the sugar website.  Plus, there's the added burden on the swingers website that there's a recurring monthly membership fee, which both of us find distasteful.  There would be plenty of fun to have if or when DW decides to go the swinging route.

Last night, after showing DW the text conversation I had with RJ, DW struck me as having second thoughts about the whole thing, but it turned out to be just the money aspect of it. I also asked her to play before we went to bed, and she was reluctantly game. We had just got done watching a show on TV that featured some very beautiful women and men with fantastic, athletic bodies, and we were both a little horny. She slipped off her pants and opened her legs. I decided to go down on her to see how receptive she'd be. Within only a few seconds her hips were rocking up and down again and her eyes rolled back in her head. I did nothing out of the ordinary, mind you, but she was very into it. I put a finger inside her once or twice and licked her perineum, and in less than three minutes she came with a loud moan. I love when that happens!  I then lubed us both up and started doing our rubbing thing, but we also tried penetration. I was able to get half of my penis inside her this time, more than before, which was a good thing. She asked if I enjoyed it, and I said, "Of course it does, but not all the way awesome." She said it hurt a little less this time, but this was as far as she wanted it to go.  I pulled out and rubbed on her for another couple of minutes.  Her having had an orgasm a few minutes earlier made her pussy sensitive and she didn't enjoy it as much, but it felt amazing for me, and I came very quickly. I'm a little concerned about how I'll perform when I fuck either Lia or RJ -- ten months without intercourse is a long time!

Rose wants to bring some toys to our first session to help DW over the hump with penetration and to get her in touch with her body's feelings.  I'm really hoping this works out.

Monday, September 18, 2017

The Bizarre Trajectory of My Sugar Daddy Journey

I awoke this morning wondering what the hell I did to find myself in the bizarre, albeit highly enviable place I'm in today. My wife of nearly 20 years, who for the last nine years, five months, and 29 days didn't really care if she ever had sex again, and had, in fact, suggested I find a girlfriend to have sex with, was now actively involved in helping me find a girlfriend with whom I could have regular sex.

The last five days have provided no shortage of "WTF?" moments. The first was Jade's disappearance from my life, again, after so enthusiastically telling me that she'd really like to have sex with DW and me. The day after my last post, I was able to reach Jade. "I've changed my mind, sorry, hun" was the text I got. She wasn't going to get away with that being the end of it, of course. "I thought so, typical of you," came my response. She sidestepped that dig, and rather than expand on her first text, she evidently told the truth: "I have to go back [to NY]."

So, it really wasn't that she changed her mind, it was that she couldn't do it after all because she had to return to New York, for whatever reason. Now that I had the truth, I didn't need to be hard on her.  "Too bad, would've been fun," I wrote, and she agreed.

I got stoned that night and texted her at 11 pm that we should have a goodbye fuck before she left, but she didn't answer that at all. We chatted briefly over the weekend, but I didn't bother asking what was up that required her to return to New York just a couple of weeks after she'd left. I left her with this: "I'm very disappointed that you're leaving again. My wife said yes to this [new arrangement] and you were my first choice.  I can't help but feel like this is a stinging loss. You're fucking amazing, but we just can't connect. I wish I could be a good enough reason for you to come back, but I know that I'm not."  She didn't respond.  Her plane left this morning.

Another strange twist came late last week.  I came home early from work and asked DW if I could show her the sugar website where I'd put up a profile. I had sent her the text of the profile (who we are, what we're looking for) earlier in the day, but she hadn't really had time to read it. Once she read it, she had some questions, particularly around her confusion that there would be a financial consideration given to our "girlfriend." "Isn't that like prostitution?" she asked. I responded quietly and carefully: "Well, you know I've been with 'sex workers' in the past, so I have some thought about the differences. I think they're pretty significant, but you might disagree. First, a sex worker usually doesn't mind if she doesn't see her client again. It's a transaction, buying a service. These arrangements are like creating semi-relationships with these women. The whole idea is something ongoing and regular." That seemed to clarify things for her, but she also asked why she was getting money when we were also giving her something she wanted (i.e., sex). "These girls are not in need of sexual services, babe," I said. "They can find anyone they want. We're looking for something very specific, and it's not something you can just find at some store, or in an online personal ad. They want to pay bills, or pay off student loans, and they're fine with trading sexual companionship to do it." "Well," DW pressed, "isn't that actual prostitution?" "Not really. With a prostitute, so long as you have the required cash, and you're not obviously creepy and disgusting, you're going to get sex.  With an arrangement, there needs to be attraction and chemistry. Again, it's like dating, but less complicated and with no hidden agendas." She was then satisfied.  I then pulled up the website on her laptop, and gave her the login information so she could look at things herself, on her own time.  I showed her our profile, our private pics (she didn't like one of them so I removed it and replaced it with one she'd had on her laptop), how to search, and how to access the inbox for messages. As luck would have it, there were five messages for her to read, including one from Rose. There was one other among the five that she liked, but she really liked Rose, both her profile and her pictures. She seemed actually attracted to her, making a comment about her figure ("nice boobs"). She said, "Let's send her a note saying we want to meet," which meant she wanted me to write it and send it. A few exchanges later, and we had her phone number and a date for a first meet.  Later, when in the bathroom washing my hands, I just looked at myself in the mirror and said, "Dude, your life has really fucking changed." I knew I was going to have sex pretty soon with Rose, with DW in the same bed, naked and involved to some extent. Am I dreaming???

DW had actually sent me a Google calendar invite with the heading "Meet Potential Girlfriend." I laughed out loud! We had a moment alone over the weekend while she was scrolling through Facebook, where I shared with her how surreal that invitation seemed to me. She never lifted her eyes off her screen, and just sort of shrugged and said, "How else should I describe it?"

Another incredibly surreal thing was that DW suggested that we could redirect the funds we were spending on counseling into this new girl's allowance. "We could transition," I said. "Makes sense if things are working out with the girl. But we'll be done with [our therapist] in six weeks anyway."  That she's thinking about this is almost too much to deal with.

Finally, it hit me a day or so ago, as I was sitting in the office that DW and I share, looking at the sugar website: she could walk in here right now and I wouldn't get in trouble for having this website open on my browser. For years I've hid all this activity, and I don't have to anymore. This was exactly what I had hoped to achieve. I don't have to hide anymore. In fact, I can show her someone I like and get her opinion!

So, as of today, we've been viewed nearly 100 times, favorite 40 times, and received over 30 messages, either as openers or as replies to messages I've sent.  We have four POTS:

Rose: early 30s, light brown hair, in a committed and open relationship. Very cute, and DW seems attracted to her.  Meet scheduled next week.  Very likely she'll be the one, but one never knows.
Violet: early 30s, light brown hair, big toothy smile, average body, east coaster, lives about an hour away. DW likes her, but no meet scheduled yet.
April: late 20s, dark brown hair, tall-ish, looks like porn star April O'Neil (Google her) but not as busty, nerdy look that I like.  Lives about an hour away. Has some experience with threesomes but isn't "in the lifestyle." No meet scheduled, have to consult with DW first.
Jenna: late 20s, dark brown hair, petite like DW, looks like she could be a Kardashian, very curvy. Lives close by. She may be too upscale for us given her profile, but I'll pass her by DW and get the low-down.

There are two others, both Latina, both dark hair, both late 20s, and both at least an hour away. One is kind of too chunky for me, and one is really hot, but hasn't been responsive with messages even though we've exchanged numbers.  There were others who were about 25 years old or younger, but DW decided that they were too close in age to our kids to make that appealing.  I agree.

I think I'll handle this differently than I've handled things with my own girls. If Rose and DW don't click, we'll move to the next one. But again, I'll ask DW if she doesn't mind juggling a couple at a time to see who works out.

Friday, September 15, 2017

Open Marriage Watch: Countdown Over, We Have Ignition! Part II

In my last post I started talking about how DW has finally agreed to bring another woman into bed with us.  It's got hints of polyamory, so I'll be calling it "poly-lite." 

As of today, I've set up profiles on the Sugar Daddy website and OpenMinded.com, which is a Brandon Wade-owned site that, at first glance, looked promising. A site dedicated to people seeking partners in the poly lifestyle.  However, once I set up the profile and did a search, I saw less than two dozen profiles within my search criteria that had visited the site since 2014!  Obviously a dud, so I pulled that profile down and focused on the Sugar Daddy site.

And so far, it's been pretty amazing.  The profile had some choice tidbits in there, most notably the fact that my wife knows I'm on the site and will be a full participant in the arrangement. Further, I said we were totally green at this and wanted someone patient and fully open-minded.  This morning, I discussed it with DW before we left for work. While she didn't flinch at the cost of membership on the site, she wasn't sure she wanted to go the sugar route because of the allowance factor. I said, "You have to understand, honey, it's really the way things are now with single women meeting up with married men or couples. They all want money, whether it's on a sugar website, or a swinger's website, or even Tinder. If they don't want money, then there's something else they want."  "What's that?" she asked. "They want to break up the marriage, which in a way is a play for money, isn't it?" She saw my point and understood that it would cost money. To be completely honest, I fully expected DW to balk 100% at the idea of having to invest money in a sexual partner, and that she'd see sugaring as a form of prostitution, but she understood my explanations.  

I added that I'll be paying for the cost of the arrangement, but she said that she didn't think that was fair that I'd have to work a second job to come up with the cash needed. "I don't mind it, babe," I replied, "at least until my income stabilizes. I don't think it will be very long."  Meanwhile, maybe I won't have to contribute the full cost.  Finally, we have a dedicated date night now when the kids are taking some night classes. Gives us time to meet for dinner with our prospective partner and/or have some fun at our home.

So, in my search criteria, I put that I was looking for non-smoking women 28-40, 5'9" or under, within 50 miles of home, with slim to average builds, who were not seeking tons of allowance, and of any race but African American.  I got over 2,000 results, with more than 80 who had visited the site in the past hour! Since my profile was approved, we have been viewed more than 30 times, and we've received five messages. 

Included in those messages was one that I solicited. No, it wasn't Jade.

Right after I'd gotten DW's consent to start looking for partners, I texted Jade to let her know it was on, and to ask to have a short phone conversation the next morning. We set up a time to talk.  I called at the agreed-upon time, but got her voice mail, then a text asking if she could call me in another couple of hours.  That time came and went, and since then I've four more texts in the past 24 hours. I can't believe that her phone was either lost or destroyed in the two hours between my phone call and the time she was supposed to call me, so my only conclusion is that she's decided not to move ahead and now she's fucking ghosting me. Glad I figured that out early, so now I can move on from her. Again.

My idea for the solicited message came when I was scrolling through the website's available talent, and coming across Rose, with whom Mel and I had had a fantastic threesome last year. Rose was in a poly relationship, was fully bisexual, and her profile was written specifically for couples. So with Jade gone, Rose is a perfect choice. 

There were four others who have contacted me, and once I discuss our profile with DW, I'll pay for the membership and we'll review the messages.

 

Open Marriage Watch: Countdown Over, We Have Ignition! -- Part I

Our therapist surprised both of us at our last session, suggesting that we each of us seek individual therapy rather than couples therapy.  She cited DW's high stress level and overall fears around what I was suggesting, and thought I could use some help dealing with the frustration of waiting for DW to come around.  Her reasoning, though somewhat convincing and sound enough, didn't get past either of our desires to continue with couples therapy. For DW, she said that stress was something she lived with every day and this would just be a little more than usual, but if we could resolve the issue at hand, things might ease up somewhat.  To her credit, the therapist was more than willing to continue with us together.

We were a little late to the session, so we got right down to business. I made a strong push for a fully open marriage, saying that this was about trust, not sex, although obviously sex was the way we would test that trust. DW, on the other hand, was just not ready to go down that route.  Her trust level isn't there to consent to having me fuck other women with her not there. She returned to her earlier suggestion that we bring in a partner who could be with both of us.  She said that, as we've been engaging more with each other, she's discovering things about what she likes sexually that she hadn't ever noticed before (such as having her perineum stimulated). But pretty much, for now, she's put her foot down and refused to go along with a fully open marriage.  She said that if that was what I really wanted, there was no point to continue counseling. Jesus, she had stolen my own argument and used it on me! 

I was faced with a dilemma. On one hand, she was trusting me enough to allow a woman to come into our bed and have sex with both of us. I asked her, point blank, "How are you going to feel seeing me having intercourse with someone right in front of you?" The therapist credited me for being present enough with the gravity of what DW was suggesting to ask that question. "I don't really know," DW replied, adding that she just couldn't connect with how she'd feel until it was actually happening. Honest to some degree, but really a stall more than anything. It told me that it was a very touchy area and to tread lightly. "I think it's important to talk this out because we need to be solid with our sexuality together before we allow someone to join us," I said. "Do you feel that we're solid?" "We're getting there," she said. So this, to me, was a really positive step in the right direction.

On the other hand, I was pretty certain that when push came to shove, DW would try to put the brakes on it. So I decided to push a little further: "Let's say we take this step and we find someone we both like, and we give it a try, but you aren't into it as much as you thought, or even as much as I am. If I want to continue with this girl, are you going to say no?"  She said, again, that she's not ready to see me go off and have sex with someone without her. She believes that it's just not something she's comfortable with yet.  She did use the word "yet" so that gave me some hope that she'll continue to remain open as we take this journey.

My term around sex -- one of the things that defines me as a man -- is that I'm a very sexual man and I deserve a thrilling, rewarding, passionate sex life. There's nothing in that term that says I have to have that sex life with someone other than DW.  My whole argument all along has been my belief that DW doesn't have either the desire or the skills to give me what I want or need. But with DW going along with a threesome (!) is pretty fucking hot.  I have no idea how she'll react at the moment, but if she goes along and drops her guard enough, she could discover something quite revolutionary about herself. In any event, I'll go along with this for now because it would mean I'd get to have intercourse with another woman.  All the same, a little cannabis will be a good thing for all of us to get that started.

We briefly continued the conversation at home. I must have asked her six different ways if she was sure she was OK with what she was suggesting, to the point where she got frustrated with me. I was just giving her any and every chance to re-examine it and consider her actions. I brought up the different ways  we should go looking for someone, and assured her that I would bear the cost of it without taking any money from our family. Of course, most of this would be a ruse. My first choice is Jade, who is more than willing to do this with both of us. I did hold open the possibility, however, that DW would not find Jade suitable for us. She'll have to have input in this decision since she'll be involved. But I feel fairly confident that I can convince DW to give Jade a try.  At the end of our conversation, I said, "I'm gonna get started tonight." DW gave me a stressed smile and said, "OK."

--- to be continued...