Monday, July 31, 2017

Open Marriage Watch: Week Six

Wait, what happened to week five? We didn't see the therapist last week, and there were no big developments, so I didn't blog.  Plus, I've gotten one or two reader comments that my posts are getting really long-winded, so I'll try to tone that down.

The past weekend, and tonight, in fact, things have gotten very interesting indeed.

First, DW and I were doing our usual sprucing up around the house over the weekend, ahead of our kids leaving for a week to go to summer camp.  They'll only be gone a week or so, but it's great for us to have that time alone together without having the kids around to distract us from each other.  It's been a good thing. Our intimate time had been getting incrementally more intense, and she's been somewhat more willing to be sexual. So this day we were sharing with each other how much we were looking forward to having a whole week alone without the kids. I said, "Think maybe we could try having sex while they're gone?" "Yes," came her reply. "Really?" I asked, kind of blown away. "We can try, I want to try," she said, "but I can't promise anything." I said that I wasn't expecting anything so we could just go really slowly.  That seemed to make her happy. Meanwhile, now I have to go scouting for some really good lube. It's hilarious that this made me think of one of my earlier encounters with Audrey, which, as I recounted in my blog post about it, makes me sound rather prophetic:
I kept her in that position and started to enter her without a condom, but she got up from the bed to get something from her purse.  I figured we'd be using condoms, but she came back with just a bottle of lube.  I forgot the name of it, but it was so much better than the Astroglide I have always used.  I'm going to have to get this stuff the next time I need it at home (in 2017, probably!).  She said she'd gotten in at a sex shop.  
Well, here we are in 2017 and I'm needing lube at home!

Second, yesterday, after the kids were on their way to camp, DW and I were starting one of our annual projects that we do when the kids leave. This project was to de-clutter our kitchen. It was a monumental undertaking, since DW was a collector of things and was almost pathologically incapable of throwing anything away.  I realize that makes her sound like a hoarder but it's not like that at all.  She just has accumulated stuff over the years and as she and I have moved from place to place, we just haven't thrown a lot of it out or repurposed it.  Now, however, there's an online community in our neighborhood that lets us dispose of things that others might want, whether it's free or for a small price. As both of us were feeling somewhat free without having the kids in the house we were joking with each other and kidding around. I got her to laugh out loud a lot! And, at one point, we just grabbed each other and started making out like teenagers. Didn't lead to anything more for the rest of the day, but that was the most passion she'd shown in a long time. And it dawned on me: what turns DW on is laughter, lots of it.  When she feels free to let go and laugh, she's much more likely to be sexual with me. This holds a lot of promise this week for trying to have sex.

As if that weren't enough, there's more. Not less than two previous SBs have come forward and expressed interest in getting together again. First is Sam, sweet Sam, whom I last saw in early 2016. Since that time, she's been told of what happened.  At that time, she was unsure of what to think about it, but in the past four months or so she's come to realize that it's not that big a deal and she's willing to get together again.  The second former SB who wants to see me again is none other than Jade, with whom I had a tumultuous 10-month arrangement in 2013 until I told her off in spectacular fashion.  I apologized for that about 10 months later, and then had lunch with her about two years ago where she expressed an interest in starting up again. I was reluctant, and over the next week or so we made and she broke two dates.  I never committed to sleeping with her at all, just to get caught up.  Then she took something I told her during a moment of reflection and intimacy and she threw it back in my face.  She wasn't hostile about it, but at the time it struck a nerve with me and I hit her hard again. Reading the blog post I wrote about it, I realize that I've been quite touchy around her, and while it hasn't been totally inappropriate, I think I may have been overly sensitive. She did kind of break my heart, but my heart wasn't really all there to give to her, was it?  And it still isn't, especially now.

Jade told me she has a new place -- "a better place, a more private place, with a jacuzzi lol" -- and she invited me to visit her next week and get caught up over a glass of wine. Sounds awesome, but it feels like a trap -- either from her or of my own design. I'd feel wracked with guilt just going over there after I've so openly told DW that there was no longer a benefit to being unfaithful behind her back. I can only imagine getting sexual with Jade the second I walked in her door.  If she and I decide to meet, I'll definitely suggest we meet in public first.  And then I'll have to figure out a way to introduce the idea to DW.  There will have to be a bit of deception around it, but that's the way it goes.  Since Jade and I haven't fucked in over four years it's going to feel like new again.  Perhaps I can convince her to create a new profile on the sugar website so I can find her that way. If that works, then it should be easier.

More to come...

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